


We're Not the Same

by indigowaterbears



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8286796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigowaterbears/pseuds/indigowaterbears
Summary: Just when Owen and Amelia's relationship is taking off, Cristina shows up unexpectedly. Despite their relationship requiring no words, Cristina's surprise visit stirs up questions and doubts between the two. Focuses on the relationship that develops between Amelia and Cristina and how the affects the relationship with Owen. Based on the events up to 11x17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clarify: I love, love, love Cristina. I thought the show would end with her leaving (metaphorically). Also I used to watch Private Practice just for Amelia, that show was boring on so, so many levels, but I always liked her storyline and her character growth. Now I wasn't that happy that the writers didn't even wait a second before putting Owen and Amelia together mainly because of everything he did to Cristina, granted both had their reason, but in the end it was the worst hardest, most unhealthy relationship in the show and I was so glad Cristina left to do what she wanted and didn't stay for him (yes, I know it was Sandra Oh who wanted to leave and not Cristina), after almost marrying Burke and staying with Owen like that, I'm so happy for her. Back to Amelia, I'm a bit disappointed in the creative use the writers are doing of her growth, how some things are completely ignored, but hey, not my show. on the other hand rationally her and Owen seem to be a good fit, on paper, a risky one, but this is Grey's after all.

Amelia pulled up Owen's truck right by the trailer. She had taken it to the hospital that morning, she was called in on an emergency and she did not have a car, he had offered and she did not really have any other choice. Meredith and Derek both thought she was still at the hospital, so she could not hitch a ride or use one of their cars. It was ridiculous that they were still keeping their – well, whatever it was – a secret. Other secrets, sure, but this was a good thing and even if they did not approve why would it really matter, and why would they not? After all her and Owen were single, consenting adults, if anything they were not lonely. Amelia closed the door quietly, she did not want to risk waking Owen in case he was still asleep. He would have never explicitly told her, but she knew he did not sleep well, not alone and, sadly, not even when she was there. She had noticed the bags under his eyes and the way they looked glassy and exhausted in the middle of the day. Of course, she would never bring it up. Just as she knew, he had never asked her anything about her baby, not anything more than what she had almost accidentally told him. It worked really well between the two of them. The implicit agreement not to push each other, they understood both ends of the deal and it made things incredibly easy and it just felt so natural, Amelia felt very adult in realising her uncharacteristically restrained and loving attitude towards Owen. Or maybe all this things left unsaid would break them up as soon as something went wrong. Whatever.

Looking up, not wanting to miss the wooden steps and end face down on the precarious looking porch she saw someone sitting in one of the chairs right outside. She wanted to laugh, or cry, or both. Screaming internally, she went up the steps gathering all her self-control and shushing that little voice in the back of her mind. On the chair was sitting Cristina Yang. Owen's ex-wife, Meredith's best friend and Derek's… well, it did not matter. She admired Cristina, she was brilliant and driven, a surgery starving animal much, so much, like she used to be. She still was, but life had put many things into perspective for her in the past few years. But at the moment she was intimidated. Amelia had never been one to back down or make herself small to fit a certain situation, here in Seattle, though, she had found often things just did not bend or allowed for compromise, so she had compromised. The fact that Derek was there, and Meredith and the kids, had not spurred her interest in human relations and she could not really say she had made new friends, apart from Owen, but they were not really friends. When Cristina left, her absence had forced Meredith in a way to turn to her often for company, Amelia had found profound comfort in not having to connect to someone who didn't know her and someone she had to actually engage, so it fit kind of perfectly. Truth be told, she and Meredith were more similar than her and any of her sisters or her friends. Charlotte understood the addiction, but she was married with kids, a lot of kids, and she had two failed engagements, a dead fiancée and a dead baby, no house and no car. She took a deep breath and smiled. "Dr Yang."

Cristina looked up at her, she was sitting soaking up the sun, and she had obviously not seen her coming. Her frown told her she had heard the truck and assumed it was Owen, which also told her Owen was not inside sleeping otherwise she would not be sitting outside. In a split second her face morphed into a mixture of confusion and curiosity, kind of scary actually. "Derek's little sister."

With a quick nod, Amelia clenched her hands. She had not heard this one in a while, after Herman's tumour removal she had moved to be the one and only Doctor Shepherd, not the other Doctor Shepherd or Derek's sister. "Amelia." She made a move to peek inside, even knowing it would be empty. "Owen's not here?"

"Nope." Cristina was looking at her, almost scrutinizing her, like a show horse. "Mer and Derek are gone too and none of them are answering their phones, I knew I should have gone to the hospital."

Amelia sat on the chair opposite Cristina, deciding not to think. The situation was beyond awkward, at least on her part. She was sure Cristina was oblivious to it, or did not show it, in any case she had just resumed sitting in the sun. Amelia checked her phone knowing there would not be any calls or pages. "So," she started a bit hesitantly. "You came to visit form Switzerland?"

She did not get an answer for a while, she had not be completely expecting one, but she really, really could not stand awkward, to Amelia awkward called for inappropriate comments and saying things she should not. "Yeah," Cristina chuckled, still not looking at her. "Those Europeans have a bunch of holidays, I got bored."

"Wow. I should move."

Cristina turned, finally facing her with a genuine smile. "And the chocolate. God, I do not know what I'm going to do while I'm here, it's fantastic. I'm basically surrounded by hearts, blood and chocolate all day long."

"That sounds almost made up." She smiled dreamily. The full meaning of the statement lost between the two of them. Anyone who would have happened to be listening in would have surely got the wrong idea, but there was a reason they were surgeons after all and not dentists or psychologists. "I mean, it's kind of like everything you ever wanted, I know if I were around diseased brains and candy all day every day, I'd go crazy." She chuckled. "Well crazier."

"Yeah, I heard about that."

Amelia shook her head. "I guess everyone did."

"I know, Mer told me." She looked at Cristina disbelievingly for a second before she explained, she knew they shared a lot, but this was family, or at least she hoped whatever Derek had told her Meredith would keep to herself. "Patient or something outed you in the middle of the ER."

"Yep." She smiled tightly. "In front of everyone."

Cristina nodded her way sympathetically. "Sucks."

"It was awesome. Especially the part where Derek instead of defending me tried to get Owen and the board take my job."

"What!" Cristina laughed, not really shocked. "What a McAss. That was before DC, right? Alex told me he was being a jerk to everyone. So?"

Amelia frowned. "So what?"

"Owen." Cristina was just staring at her with wide eyes and eyebrows that were merging with her hair.

She felt her face about to flush. God, this was so embarrassing. She had no reason to feel like she could not date Owen, deep down Amelia suspected her face was about to catch on fire because she indeed felt like a teenager talking, rather trying not to talk, to one of her sisters about a boy – a man, a man. "What about Owen?" she asked as casually as she could.

"What, was he the one to stop Derek, how did he not take your job?"

"Yet, you mean?" she chuckled. "Derek stopped himself or there would not have been anything to stop, I always suspected Meredith had something to do with it." She just nodded silently and sat back, her shoulder relaxed and she finally let out a breath she did not know she had been holding. "For someone who says she doesn't do sisters she sure feels more like family than my own sisters ever did. Even more than Addison some times."

Cristina laughed wholeheartedly. "No offense, but they are monsters, the ones I have met."

"Oh, believe me, you have no idea."

"If it's any consolation I remember one of them being nicknamed McBitch."

"Doesn't surprise me, who?"

Cristina narrowed her eyes, thinking very hard of about a nanosecond. "Tall?"

She frowned, all of her sisters were tall, just another thing she wasn't. "Kathy?"

"How should I know? They're you're sisters! She had short hair I think."

"Nancy. Definitely a bitch." Amelia snorted. "Hey what is all this Mc stuff you have going on?"

Cristina nodded and waved her off with her hand. "It was an intern thing, everyone had a Mc nickname, Derek was McDreamy-"

"You were right with McAss."

"They would change according to the situation, Sloan was McSteamy, there was a McDog and-"

"What about Addie? Did she have one too?" Amelia's eyes were shining with tears, she was laughing so hard.

Cristina hesitated for a second, she had absolutely no idea of what Amelia's relationship with Addison was, but considering she knew she had lived with her in LA for years she restrained herself. "No Mc name. We just called her Satan."

"Oh, God." Amelia giggled. "Did she know?" Cristina nodded a bit put off at how much fun Amelia seemed to be having, she was literally bent in the middle shaking. Slowly the laughter died down and they remained in silence, much like when Amelia first sat down.

Cristina tilted her chin a bit. "Aren't you cold?"

Amelia was wearing the only work appropriate clothes she had found in the trailer when she received the call before sunrise, also she dressed in the dark, she was about seventy-eight percent sure her bra and underwear did not match. "Oh, it's such a beautiful day."

"If you say so." Cristina shrugged.


	2. Chapter 2

There was silence again, but it wasn't awkward anymore, it wasn't tense and weird. Out of mutual accord they resumed staring into the distance both secretly hoping either Meredith or Owen, or even Derek would suddenly pull up. Cristina sat, drinking in the woods, while Amelia grew restless after a few minutes, but made the effort to stay still not wanting to start another conversation that could end on a much more awkward note than this one. Feeling like she had dodged a bullet she sat back, concentrating her energy on scratching a stain on the table. Before either of them realized it, the sky turned grey and the sun was covered by very dark, rainy looking clouds. In fact, they were rather enjoying the moment sitting there, in front of Owen's trailer, without Owen. Amelia did not know the details of their relationship, but she did know Owen had cheated on his last girlfriend with Cristina and had previously cheated on Cristina too – she made a note to keep a closer eye on him – she wasn't worried though, what they had didn't feel like a rebound, did not feel like something to fill in a void for either. As for Cristina, she was all but dumb and Amelia driving Owen's truck up to the trailer, presumably hoping to find him, surely had many interpretations. Logic said Amelia lived right up in the house and she might have just borrowed the truck and was returning it, but Cristina also knew that Meredith and Derek had two cars and hardly ever used them both. In any case neither one was prepared when it suddenly started pouring, literally raining buckets of water, one minute to the next and they sprung up only to realize they were in the middle of the woods, with nowhere to go.

After a moment of shock, Amelia stood abruptly and went for the truck, but Cristina stopped her. "Wait. The key." She palmed the barbecue looking for something. "The key, he always leaves the key out."

"Right!" Amelia shook and jumped down the steps walking as fast as she could to the little tank outside. "How did I not think of that! The key."

Cristina turned bewildered at her reaction. "How would you even-"

She reached Amelia on the side of the trailer, where she was rummaging in the metallic tank. "The key. We used the barbecue and I moved it and so it's in here now, if only I could – found it!" she grinned triumphantly holding up the key for Cristina to see.

"Well open the door, quick!" They scrambled to the door, formalities be damned, where Amelia was fumbling with the key, fighting against the slippery metal. "Oh, come on, I'm getting wet!" Eventually they heard the click and threw themselves inside, ironically careful not to move too much, once they were out of the rain, as not to smear water and mud everywhere.

"Wow, okay. I'm drenched." Amelia stated looking down at her clothes, not even bothering with her dripping hair. Cristina had been wearing a leather jacket, which, at least in part, had blocked the water, instead Amelia's felt like jacket had instead acted as a sponge absorbing the water and releasing it now slowly on her formerly dry clothes underneath. She toed off her shoes, soaked and covered in mud and left them by the door. Cristina was silently doing the same, while twisting carefully her hair, trying not to drip water all over the floor, removed her jacket, tossing it in the sink, rolled up her jeans and sat on the little sofa almost completely dry.

Cristina turned to look at her companion, the reality of the situation had not sunk in yet to make things a bit tense, as it naturally would, and was attempting – with very little effort - not to openly laugh at Amelia who stood there covered in mud and dripping water everywhere. "Seriously?"

"Sorry," Cristina tried in vain to stop laughing, "but it's such a beautiful day? Really-"

Amelia shook her head. She started peeling off her jacket and threw it in the sink too, her shirt and jeans were wet too. Instinctively she turned towards the little closet, which in reality was more like a cupboard where Owen kept the few things she would leave behind when she stayed over, but then her brain kicked in. If she went into Owen's closet and took her things, she would make it all so very obvious and if Cristina did not have it all already figured out then she would for sure. So she took off her socks tossing them in the general direction of the shower and then proceeded to take off jeans and shirt. Cristina sat oblivious to her stripping. "Hey do you need anything, pants, sweatshirt?" she asked moving towards the little cupboard, God could she sound more stupid – she was offering her her ex-husband's clothes. Of course, her plan was to get her own, but after serious consideration, she decided that Owen's were the better choice, it could just mean they were friends, right? Right, no.

"Nope, I'm fine, don't worry. Try not to get water everywhere."

"You're hilarious." She mumbled, putting on what on her looked like a giant sized army sweatshirt and flannel pyjamas, not the best combination, but Owen did not really possess that many clothing items and she would look completely ridiculous in his jeans. She looked at her bare feet, figuring it would not be a big deal she put on her own socks, for some reason she had more socks here than in her room in Derek's house, she always seemed to leave them behind. She sat on the sofa, rolling up the ends of the pants. They were, once again, sitting in silence, something that was making Amelia feel rather antsy. "So," she started before she actually thought of something to say. "Uh, how is it running your very own place?"

"It's perfect, well it would be if it weren't for all the administrative crap I have to deal with sometimes, just sucks the fun right out of it." Cristina stared at the windows following the rain drop track with her eyes, but gave Amelia a look that told her all the small talk in the world would not let her off the hook. "You can understand you're chief of neuro now, so you must have boring useless paperwork to fill in too."

Amelia nodded. They had kind of broken into Owen's trailer, granted neither was new to the place, but still. She had changed right in front of Cristina putting on Owen's clothes without even batting an eye. If she was trying to hide something before it sure as hell was not going to work now. She knew it, Cristina knew it, the only damage control she could do was trying to keep it from reaching Meredith and Derek before her – and Owen – had time to talk to them. That also meant talking to the board because of the rules, which was going to be super fun given he was the chief of surgery and she was the head of her department. At least she was not a resident. "Ask."

"Oh, no. I'm not going to make it easy." Cristina smiled mischievously. "I'm going to have all the fun I can and then I'll ask."

Amelia just shrugged, not bothered in the slightest, at least that's what she tried to believe. She found she rather liked Cristina Yang, baring the whole Owen-sharing thing, she figured in an alternate reality where she didn't live in another continent they could have been friends. Pierce was a good surgeon and a nice person, but she sure was no Cristina.

"Give me dirt and I'll go easy on you."

She frowned. "Dirt, what kind of dirt?"

"On someone, anyone. I have worked here for almost a decade I know how it works. You and Owen cannot be the only scandal." Cristina thoroughly enjoyed the blush that crept up Amelia's cheeks. "Come on."

Amelia nodded resigned to the fact that they were literally trapped in a tin box and she should just get on with it. "Sorry, but I think Meredith already filled you in on everything"

"She didn't tell me about the two of you." She said pointedly.

"Well," Amelia grimaced. "that's because she doesn't know. Nobody knows, actually."

Cristina was shocked. "I know for a fact that it's impossible to keep a secret in that place. So what about Callie-"

Amelia frowned, but figured she might as well dish on what she knew. "I don't really know her, as far as I can tell she's seeing new people. Arizona is not, she was busy with work and then… she's focused on her work. I couldn't tell you a single thing about Karev or that resident he's with. Edwards, Edwards is good, good doctor, but she's always at the hospital. Pierce, the new you, she's a little off, but nice, you know. And Kepner and Avery they, um…"

"Yeah, that was bad." She nodded. Not that they were that close or anything, still, it must have been hard. "Way to kill the mood, let's fix that. Have you ever tried tickling Owen?"

Amelia's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "WHAT?"

"I swear it's so much fun, you should definitely try. On the sides, right where you'd put in a chest tube he has a spot – he just loses it, it's amazing."

"I'll have to try that then." She smiled, frowning, the conversations just took a turn she was not expecting. She was about to retort when she noticed Cristina was silent. She spent the better part of their time in the trailer laughing if the sad look in her eyes was any indication, she was hurt, a bit jealous maybe, nostalgic. "You know, Mark was ticklish. Sometimes he would come play with me and we would end up on the ground at the park crying with laughter." At the bewildered look Cristina shot her way she thought back at what she had said and explained. "I was ten. Mark and Derek would go play football at the park and Mom made Derek take me along, so since I couldn't play with them Mark would play with me."

"Didn't you sleep with Mark like three years ago?" Amelia nodded. "Okay, gross, that feels messed up."

Amelia smirked. "I can assure you it wasn't gross in the slightest, actually-"

"That's all I need to hear, thanks." Cristina held up a hand. And there was silence again, but this time Amelia knew not to say anything. The cat was out of the bag and the ball automatically in Cristina's court, she would get to decide where to take the conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

"How long?" she asked in the smallest voice, clearing her throat she continued. "How long has this been going on?"

Amelia pursed her lips thinking, this was something she and Owen had taken no time defining, thus she had no idea how long. He kissed her before Herman's surgery, but then she ignored him for months, despite him stalking her, which in hindsight was absolutely adorable. "Few months, I guess."

Cristina nodded and Amelia saw her hesitate before speaking again. "Like two or like…"

"Three almost, I think. Yeah, that's about right." She played distractedly with one of the loose stitches of Owen's pants. "I mean technically a bit more, but – well, no I think three is right."

"Owen doesn't open up easily."

Amelia kept playing with the pants, not daring to look up at Cristina. She waited for her to continue, but she did not. It was a statement and a million questions she did not have all the answers to. She had no idea what to say to that. She did not want to say too much. Most of her past mistakes were already spread over the hospital, most of the skeletons in her closet were out, public domain, but not all of them, not the most painful ones and she sure did not want Cristina to know about them at all. She didn't want anyone telling Owen he was too good for her, that she was damaged goods. He knew part of it, more than most and still it was sadly only the tip of the iceberg. But he understood, which made it all so much better, they'd take each other's skeletons out of their respective closets in time. Whenever it felt right. "He does not."

Cristina raised her eyebrows, urging her to continue, but she did not. Amelia's eyes were stuck on the fading print on the sweatshirt she was wearing. Cristina would have to ask specific questions now. "How did happen?" Amelia looked at her straight in the eyes. "No, no I know it's none of my business, but – I know him really well and it's not like him to… He does not want just anybody to know how much he is…"

"Broken? I know the feeling." Amelia nodded. "I told him something, something that nobody else knows here and I think he knows that and it's almost as if I gave him a piece of me, unintentionally, and it made me feel less alone and it made him feel less alone."

Cristina nodded breaking eye contact. It was her turn to stare at her lap. Amelia felt bad, got that churning feeling in her gut and just could not look at her like this. She did not know the woman, by name yes, she worked with her, but an afternoon spent talking about nothing did not make for an actual friendship. On the other hand if anyone knew how messed up sometimes people and relationships can get, it's definitely her, so Amelia did the only thing she could think to console Cristina, who despite her stoic external appearance was obviously dying inside at the moment. "Look, Cristina, this is not just me and Owen hooking up and having fun. Not for me and I don't think for Owen either. I don't have the faintest idea if it can work or if it will work, but I care about him, it's weird we've known each other for less than a year and I don't think I have ever felt like this in my entire life. I know it sounds like empty words, but I don't want to hurt him or use him-"

"No, hey, I never thought-"

"Let me finish." Amelia took her hand gently. "I lost people I cared about and if I knew I couldn't be with them, but someone could I would be worried and I'd tell them what to do or not to do, I'd tell them not to make the mistakes I made. I get it. Well I would be a little jealous too, but what I'm trying to say is that this is not me, usually. I don't' go around airing my dirty laundry to some guy I barely know, regardless of how nice he's being and I don't take relationships slow and keep them private," she chuckled. "I mean I live in my brother's house across the clear and I managed to keep it a secret from him. Owen has somehow turned me into the babbling, love-struck teenager I've never been."

Cristina nodded. "I'm glad. I'm sorry, I know it's none of my business."

"It's okay," Amelia nodded. "I understand."

"Who raised you, you are absolutely nothing like Derek."

Amelia smirked. "You mean he's not a drug addict and the black sheep of the family constantly letting everyone down? I'm kidding, but thank God, I mean two Derek Shepherd, I think the world's not big enough for two heads that big."

"Dark." Cristina nodded thoughtfully. "I can see why Owen would like you."

Amelia frowned, not entirely sure what she meant. "Like what?"

"Well, you're a surgeon and you're ambitious and you're good, I heard about that giant tumour you removed - it must be a Shepherd thing, you and all those impossible tumours. I mean don't tell Owen I'm telling you this, but he was engaged to this woman before he met me and she was planning to be a stay at home mom and mind the troop, while he was out working, what a loser. And you're dark-ish, he didn't understand it at first, but now he gets it, sort of, so you're welcome for that." Cristina said cheering up.

Amelia nodded. "O-kay. So is that your way of saying you're okay with it or-"

"Kids."

"What?"

Cristina looked Amelia in the eye and did not continue until she was sure she had her full, undivided attention. "Do you want kids?"

"Uh, that's kind of a personal question." Amelia sat up, bringing her knees up to her chest and folding her arms across them. "I don't' think Owen and I are nowhere near having this discussion anyway."

Cristina shook her head. "No, no I'm not asking – ugh, you said that thing about mistakes, right?" Amelia nodded. "This is what I'm trying to do, so shut up and listen. Owen wants kids. He really, really wants kids. So down the line when you will have this conversation you need to know this. It's a touchy subject for him and that's my fault, but what I'm trying to say is – he wants kids."

Amelia nodded numbly for a few seconds. It was too good to be true. She wanted children too, even with her history when the triplets were born she'd decided she did want them, it would be hard for her, but what are the chances of something like that happening twice. Ever since moving, since leaving her friends, the friends that got her through rehab and her pregnancy all of those beliefs and certainties had started to crumble down to pieces and she had been hoping this new page would allow her a breath of fresh air, but what Cristina was saying made her feel all the pressure of the world on her shoulders all over again, and people like her couldn't live with pressure, not ever.

Noticing her protective stance and her reaction Cristina explained. "What I mean is that's a deal breaker for him. Just so you know. Not right now obviously, but – just keep it in mind."

"Thanks." Owen knew. Amelia took a big breath and let her legs fall to the sofa, sitting cross-legged. Owen knew about her baby, he did not know the details, but he knew enough to know that the baby talk would be a big animal to tackle for them.

Cristina sat back with a big genuine smile on her face. "Hey, I feel a lot better, thanks that was oddly therapeutic."

"I know, right." Amelia nodded. "Can you not tell anyone? I mean especially Derek and Meredith."

"Yeah, sure, it's fine. If you don't mind I'm going to look for pants because mine are becoming these uncomfortable humid cold things, I just want to get them off." She nodded to the other end of the trailer.

Amelia shrugged. "Go for it, good luck finding anything. I swear I don't know how he can live with so little clothes."

Cristina disappeared to search for pants, there was a pair on the bathroom floor he had used for running that had mud and several other things he picked out in the woods attached to the ends of it. Amelia took a big, huge breath feeling her shoulder relax as the air went slowly in and out. This was so not the day off she had planned. She was not supposed to have been paged during the night and Owen was supposed to be home waiting for her, instead her day went by getting to know Owen's ex-wife, locked in this infernal tin box. She made a mental note to make the most of the night, concentrate all the good hours they lost today that night, assuming, of course, Owen would get there to begin with. Her stomach growled, glancing at the clock Amelia realized it was way past lunch, it was almost time for dinner, and, considering the emergency surgery, she had not had breakfast either. Taking a quick look around she went to grab the box of cereal Owen kept in the trailer, he didn't eat them, but they were there, so she grabbed a handful and ate them, leaning on the counter.

She heard the door open right behind her and before she could even turn around two arms wrapped around her, hands in the front pocket of the sweatshirt she was wearing, keeping her still. Amelia was about to say something when she felt warm lips on her neck and the light scratch of Owen's stubble. Her brain shut down at that, so when one of his hands snaked up her body, gently taking a hold of her chin, turning her head to kiss him, telling him Cristina was in the back of the trailer going through his stuff to find some pants to wear slipped her mind entirely. She turned in his arms to kiss him properly and he literally squeezed her to him, he was holding her so tight she could feel every single button of his shirt pressed against her skin. They were both obviously so lost in each other that when someone cleared their throat they jumped a little.

"Hi."

Owen looked stunned. Astonished. Way, way beyond shocked or surprised. "Cristina," he let Amelia go, all but for a hand on the small of her back. "How are you? What are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting." She said brightly. "And apparently interrupting your hot day off. Hey do you know if Mer's back?"

"Yeah, I caught I ride with her," he turned to Amelia. "there was a power outage this morning, I came to the hospital to tell you not to come back, but you'd already left and your phone was dead."

"It's okay, we spent the afternoon getting to know each other, talked about loads of things." She smiled reassuringly, winking at Cristina.

Owen frowned, this was either perfect or a complete disaster. "The two of you? Like surgery stuff?"

Cristina walked past the sink grabbing her jacket and moving to where Owen and Amelia were standing to get her shoes. "Of course not. We actually have a lot in common."

"Like what?"

Amelia chuckled. "Really? Do we need to spell it out for you?"

"He's adorable when he's slow, isn't he?"

"Yeah." Amelia grinned. "He's so cute."

Owen took a step back from his giggling girlfriend and ex-wife. "Hello, I'm standing right here."

"We know Owen." Amelia assured him not actually taking him seriously.

"This is a nightmare," He rubbed his forehead. "And I'm not cute."

"You keep telling yourself that. There, I got him all wound up ready for you." Cristina winked back at Amelia and stepped out of the trailer. "I'll head over to Mer's, to catch up and leave you to whatever it is I thankfully stopped before your clothes came off. See you around, bye."

When the trailer's door closed behind her Owen turned to Amelia with the clear intention of getting a detailed report of everything that had been said in his absence, but before he could even open his mouth she was kissing him and pushing him to the bed and he found he did not mind in the slightest.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a couple of hours later, Amelia was laying on his chest eyes closed listening to the rhythm of Owen's beating heart. She knew he was asleep from the weight of his arm around her back, he knew he was strong and for some reason was always scared of being too forceful with her or that she was too fragile, so he would hold her almost afraid she would break if he squeezed too much. His arm was a bit tighter than usual. If anything she was expecting him to be more distant given Cristina's presence, but instead he seemed to be holding onto her like a lifeline. She had seen it pass on Cristina's face, that look, and for a split second she wanted to sit up and run away. Recently Amelia had made a point not to listen to all the little voices in her head, telling her she was a replacement, telling her she was known to jump from bed to bed and this was not going to be any different. In the last few months she had cut back a little on meetings too, not entirely, she could not afford that, but Owen had a great, positive influence on her and his presence had an enormous impact on her self-confidence, something she had been struggling with since she got out of rehab. She did not know much about Owen and Cristina's relationship over the years and the things she knew she had heard from other people, from Derek and the gossip mill around the hospital. What she did know was that they were together for a very, very long time and every time they broke up, even after the divorce, they always found a way back to each other. Amelia felt her muscles tense. All afternoon she had talked to Cristina and not once she worried about the fact that Owen might leave her to get back with his ex and now that she was letting her mind wonder the thought made the hair on the back of her neck stand.

She needed a friend to talk this out with and the first person she thought of was Meredith, who in this situation was the worst possible person to give her the right advice. It hit her that between the tumour and Owen she had not made one friend here in Seattle and if Owen for any reason broke up with her she was alone. The realisation made her stomach tie in knots and she felt in her chest the nagging feeling she was unfortunately so familiar with, the sense of failure, the beginning of a downward spiral, the panic.

"Amelia?" She turned to him, dragged forcefully from her daydreaming by a finger pulling her chin up to face him, while his other hand held her close. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head a bit too hasty to look natural. "Nothing is wrong, don't worry, go back to sleep."

He settled back and she sighed hoping to have dodged the conversation altogether, she did not want to tell him about what she and Cristina discussed and the thousand other doubts her brain had kindly made up. The sensation was, however, short lived as Owen immediately reached for the light above the bed, switched it on, and sat up pulling her up against him, careful to keep the covers around them. "Don't do this."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She laid her head on his shoulder, her forehead resting against the side of his neck.

Owen knew, he knew and he got it. He leaned his head against hers and started caressing her cheek with his thumb so gently. "Amelia. I'm here. You can talk to me, you can tell me things, I won't run away or leave you." He had woken up and felt her awake laying on top of him and in a matter of minutes he her body had gone stiff as a boars against his. "Is this about Cristina?"

"No." the half truth in her answer was enough for his thumb to stop stroking the skin on her cheekbone, telling her he didn't for one second believe that. "Maybe a little. I just feel like I don't know you, which is true, we have been… whatever we have been doing for just a couple of months. The thing is I do not trust easily and do not give into people easily and I have told you things that I have not told anyone else and I do not even know you. I don't know why I feel this way with you."

He hugged her tighter to him. "If it's any consolation I don't know you either, but I'm pretty sure I feel the same way you do."

She gave a tight smile. Her fingers were lazily tracing a pattern of freckles on Owen's arm, it always bothered her when people did it to her, but she found it fascinating on him. "But that's not true. You know about the addiction and about my baby, I don't know anything. I can see it, in your eyes, sometimes you have that look and it speaks more than a thousand words and I know what it feels like, being broken."

"Would you like me to tell you some things?" he offered a little at loss of what to do.

"No, that's not my point, you don't have to." She shook her head, a bit touched by his offer. "Forget it, I – I just realized that for the first time in my life I'm surrounded by people I know, but I'm completely alone."

Owen frowned. He sat up, forcing her to do the same and looked straight into her eyes. "You are not alone, do you hear me?"

"Only I am. Look it's not about you, but this," she gestured between the two of them. "this is a risk, I mean this place is basically cursed with all the shooting and the plane crashes and storms and earthquakes and-"

"Amelia what's the point?" he urged effectively ending her rambling.

She sighed somewhat sadly and turned her gaze down to stare at her hands in her lap. "You make afraid of ending up alone." When she looked up to see the hurt, bewildered look on his face, she reiterated. "I have a bad track record with relationships, not even a long one, just a bad one, in the sense that I either screw everything up or people die on me. James was there for me and loved me when I didn't even love myself, but I could never share with him, most of the time he didn't understand the crazy, he tried to, but he couldn't. You do, you get it without needing me to say anything and it scares me because you make me feel in a way that – I don't even know what it is and I don't ever want to not be able to feel this way."

"Come here." He pulled her to him, just holding her as close as he could, he had no idea what was going on in her head, but he saw that she was scared, so scared to lose him and she had no reason to be. Until a few hours before she had been fine and now, she was a mess. "Love hurts. A lot."

Amelia sniffled and nodded into his chest. "Yeah." When she looked up their faces were millimetres apart, their noses almost touching and they were literally breathing the same air. She thought about kissing him, thought about going back under the covers and spending the rest of the night making up for lost time. He made her feel safe just by looking at her, there was a certain something that with a look told her all she needed to know. "I like your eyes. They are blue, but a dense blue." She narrowed her eyes and contemplated his for a little while. "Your eyes are like the ocean."

Owen kissed her softly. "Thanks. You-" he chuckled. "You have Derek's eyes."

Amelia gasped and pushed him on his back and straddled his waist blocking his shoulders down. "Take it back. Right now." She pulled the most serious look she could muster, pressing on his shoulders, growing more irritated at his laughter. "How dare you?"

"But you do." He grinned at her reaction more than anything. "You have the most beautiful eyes, I could stare into them all day."

Amelia looked down trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. She leaned down to lay on his chest so that their bodies were perfectly aligned – as much as the height difference allowed at least. She propped her chin up right below his collarbone. "You should tell Derek. After all if we have the same eyes you could just date him, right?"

Owen scrunched up his face in the most adorable way, but then smiled. "You know what, I just might, he already asked me out."

"What?" she pushed on his chest and sat up slightly and he realised she had not been expecting his answer.

"He did. I said no of course." She settled back down on him and Owen's hand went up to her face caressing the hollow underneath her cheekbone, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Their eyes locked and her lips parted. "He's married."

Never breaking eye contact, she slipped her hands on either side of his head, tangling her fingers in his hair. "Oh, and is that the only reason you said no?" she said huskily.

"Amelia," he started in a very serious tone. "Despite what you want to believe you and Derek have a lot in common, trust me, I met one of your sisters and you're nothing alike. But-" he ran his hands along her sides, barely touching her skin leaving goose bumps on their way, stopping on the small of her back. "There are some things I'm sure you don't have in common, I'll go out on a limb and say that he just doesn't have them."

"So you're with me because of my boobs?"

Owen's eyes popped out of his head and he burst out laughing, hugging Amelia to him, he rolled them so she laid under him. "No. I mean yes, also. You have very nice boobs, but that's not it."

"Thanks I guess, so then is it-"

Owen put a finger on her mouth to shut her up. "It's not a physical attribute, not that I'm complaining. It's the fight, you-you fight every day, not just because of the addiction, but you fight. Most people go about their days going through the motions on autopilot, never stopping to think about what they are actually doing or why, they have it easy. Ever since you came here to work, Derek has been stepping all over you and you had to fight, some of the other attendings were doubting you at first and you fought, you fought for Herman's tumour. I'm pretty sure Seattle is not cursed, I think this had always been the way of your life and that is a million times more attractive than whatever's in you bra. To me."

And she kissed him. Kissed him hard. Amelia tried to say all the things she would probably never say aloud in that kiss, because this was it. She did not have to say or explain anything. On a level, she knew they had that in common, the brokenness, the hardships, but instead of finding them off putting, he admired them, her strength and her perseverance. She felt naked laying there with him – well, she was naked – but in a metaphorical and emotional way she did not feel the need to cover anything up anymore, she had not for a while, with him. However the kiss heated up quickly and the wandering hands and tingly skin and moans and tangled hair could only lead to them having sex again and the last working neuron in Amelia's brain yelled at her. She broke the kiss and took a moment to appreciate the look on Owen's face. It had been a while since someone had looked at her like that and even then she was high and probably saw whatever she wanted to see. She stroked his cheek, scratching gently behind his ear.

"I have to go."

He frowned. "Why? You're not on call tonight."

"Exactly, so if I don't show up for dinner, they're going to start wondering where I am and I don't want them to find out about us because we can't keep our hands off each other." She smiled and sat reaching for her bra at the end of the bed.

Owen grunted obviously accepting her reasoning, but still not overly enthusiastic about the consequences. "We should maybe talk about doing that, I'm afraid it won't be as easy as it seems."

"Don't worry Derek won't punch you or anything, he always thought I was a whore, so that's not going to be a problem." Amelia chuckled.

"I meant with the hospital, but I don't think that's true anyway. He cares a lot about you."

Amelia went to feel her clothes to see if they had dried enough for her to wear, but the shirt and jacket were still soaked through. Picking up her jeans, she started pulling them on balancing in the narrow hallway. "Regardless, what, do we really have to disclose our relationship with human resources, that's ridiculous."

"Yeah well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, right?"

"Right." She reached for the sweatshirt she had worn for the better part of the day and threw it on without a second thought.

Owen pulled his boxer on and got out of bed following her around the trailer. "For someone who interrupted sex so that nobody suspects about us, going into the house with a sweatshirt that's clearly mine is not a very smart move."

Amelia picked her bag up from the sofa, and dropped it on the counter while she put on her shoes. "I'll just make something up, I did borrow your pickup this morning so I'll just say I got wet from the rain and had found it on the backseat and thought you wouldn't mind."

"And exactly where were you, if not here or at the hospital all day?" he walked to stand right in front of her pulling her to him by her hips. "You know, Cristina will be there."

Amelia's hands snaked around his neck, getting him to lean down slightly. "So? I like her. If anything she's the only one who knows about this and she's – well I think she's as okay as she can be about it."

"What do you mean as okay as she can be?"

Amelia kissed him and pulled back just enough to speak. "You have history. A big, long, life altering one. She can't be okay, but we talked. She's being incredibly evolved about it, unless of course she was planning my murder all afternoon." Owen nodded and kissed her. It did not make him feel any better, but he also knew he would not get anything out of Amelia if they spent the whole night talking. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

He nodded and let her out of his arms, trying not to pay too much attention at the way his sweatshirt looked on her. He might just have to give it to her to wear, every day, maybe she could wear it at the hospital too – no, not there, that would be totally counter productive. "See you tomorrow, then?"

Amelia gave him a big smile and stood on her tip toes to kiss him one last time before closing the door of the trailer behind her, leaving Owen standing only his boxers numbly where he had been holding seconds earlier. A smile made it to his lips and despite the frown still on his forehead he went back to the bed, laying down on her pillow and closing his eyes, breathing in the unique smell of her shampoo and deciding that he was going to have to talk to Cristina himself sometime soon too, but for now he could spend the rest of the night thinking about the present and leave the past – well, in the past.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek didn't know what hit him. The whole morning had been going so wonderfully and after months of sterile, unproductive, slow research he was finally cutting again. Man, what a rush. Plus he had yet to see Amelia, for better or worse. Admittedly he had been a complete ass to her and completely undeservedly, he had taken out his frustrations of the job on Meredith and his frustrations of the job and Meredith on Amelia. In hindsight for someone claiming to want to protect her he was sure doing an awful job. He was planning on apologising and make a serious effort to make her life easier, if anything by not getting in her way and listening to her like he would any other boss of his. In the whole week he had been back he had seen her once, actually, he had seen her shadow one night coming home very, very late. Deciding not to care he had not asked her anything, not that he'd even seen her enough to even say hi, Meredith mentioned something about her sometimes catching a ride with Owen, so she'd come home when he was done and from his short stint as chief he knew how long the hours could get. So when he set out to go find the head of neuro he was so not ready for what he found when he went into Meredith's research lab to look for her.

"Cristina?" He was coming out of a night shift and for a second he thought he was seeing things, but after blinking a couple of times he was sure. "What are you doing here?"

"Such a warm welcome, I could ask you the same exact question."

The smile faded slightly, it hurt, whatever happened the last few months, regardless of who was guilty and who lost or gained the most, it still hurt. He nodded. "Yeah, well, I came home. Your home is supposed to be in Switzerland."

"I had time off, got bored, thought I could come brag about all the awesome things I get to do on a daily basis." She brushed him off. "I came to see how Mer's work is going."

He sat on the chair opposite Cristina. "When did you get here?"

"Yesterday."

Derek chuckled. "During the blackout and the storm, uh?"

She rolled on herself peeking randomly through the files messily piled on the desk. "I'm starting to think it's me, you know, all the natural and plane catastrophes."

He smiled. Things had definitely been going downhill since Cristina left. "You have to come to dinner one day we're all home."

"Dinner?" she scrunched her face. "You don't do dinners."

"We do now. Amy cooks, my sister Amelia remember her?" He enquired casually quirking one eyebrow in Cristina's direction. "She took up my service."

Cristina nodded and, laughing internally, shrugged. "I might remember her."

"Are you staying with Owen?"

"Excuse me?" Cristina turned so fast the chair kept spinning for half a round, she had effectively forgotten that the weirdness that had been her previous afternoon. Finding out Owen was dating Amelia and they apparently were serious about it, topped by how it was all a big secret and she was the only one in their secret circle. "I mean why would you think that?"

Derek shrugged. "I just assumed. Our spare bedroom is occupied so I thought you'd stay there."

"That seems to be a thing, people taking up rooms I thought I'd get to sleep in." He looked at her quizzically. "I went by Alex's house and Arizona was in my old room, luckily he has another room so I'm staying there."

He raised his eyebrows. "Is everything okay with the two of you?"

"Yeah." Her tone was not as convincing as she thought when she first opened her mouth. Derek's eyebrows raised even more, if possible, he wasn't obviously buying whatever she was trying to make him believe. "We're divorced and for good reasons." His look though told her it wasn't nearly enough. "Derek I didn't come back for Owen."

He nodded. Smiled letting it sink in, it was right about the question he would have asked if he was the same person a he was before DC, someone not as scared of hurting other people. "You seen him?"

"Actually I have, but we didn't get to talk. So whatever you want to know I can't help."

"What?" it was her turn to raise her eyebrows, he was so not being smooth. "Okay, I'm not Meredith's favourite person these days and, uh – well I'm not very popular with anyone really and he's different, I noticed he's…"

"Happier?" Derek looked down. "Over me? Mer told me he was kind of mess, I'm glad he's better. He deserves to be happy. He deserves to find someone who can give him what he wants."

As his pager went off he nodded. "Sorry gotta go. It's nice to see you, I never thought it could happen, but I missed you."

"Yeah, yeah don't get all sentimental on me now."

Crossing Meredith on his way out of the lab, who apparently was heading there too, but received the same page as him. "Cristina's here." He said matter-of-factly.

"She is, she came over last night." She said a bit dryly, pushing the elevator button. "She is just visiting."

"I invited her to dinner, sometime before she leaves."

Meredith arched her eyebrows. "Have you decided to take up cooking?"

"No, even though we both know I can in fact cook." He purposefully ignored the sceptic look on her face, he knew she was provoking. "I thought I could ask Amy."

"Derek you can't ask your sister to cook for us, she's not the nanny."

He just gave her his infamous smile, irritating her if possible even more. He'd come back from DC definitely better than when he'd left, but he still lived with the conviction that he was smack in the middle of the whole universe. "She'll come to the dinner, maybe we can have your sister over too."

Meredith shook her head somewhat annoyed at her husband's cheerfulness, she was still incredibly angry with him and his chirpy demeanour was just infuriating. "I don' think that's such a good idea, I mean last time didn't go all that well."

"Okay, then." Conceding defeat. "Maybe Owen can come."

"And that's just plain stupid. He finally seems to be getting over Cristina being gone, why don't you just rub his nose in the fact that she's not back for real, besides I haven't had the chance to talk about that with her. Why would you even invite him?"

He shrugged. "Look I have a feeling. Trust me it's going to be great."

"Well seems you have it all figured out, just let me know when and don't invite Owen before I've asked Cristina and ask Amelia nicely please." She just disappeared in a trauma room.

Derek stared at her back for a second. "What do you think I am? A monster?"

He hadn't seen her right behind him. "Are you just asking or do you want an actual answer?"

Without a second thought he threw his arms around his sister, she was small enough that he could hold her for a second even with her fighting to pull away. "I heard you pulled off the impossible."

"Yeah well, turns out being your sister has its perks." She felt just empowered at the absolute lost look on his face. "If your name is Doctor Shepherd and you come up with crazy impossible ideas to remove giant tumours, in this hospital people actually take you seriously, guess I have to thank you for that."

"Glad to be of service." He grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to him while they walked in the general direction of the lounge. "How are you though?"

"Fine, why?" she stopped to face him, there was a hint of something in his voice and she could not really make out what it was without looking at him straight in in eyes.

He just shrugged and smiled. "Nothing. Now that you mention it you look a little flushed, you have glassy eyes," he put the back of his hand against her forehead. "No fever, strange. Are you getting the flu?"

"No, Derek, stop it." She nervously shoved his hand away from her. "What do you want?"

"Why do you just assume I want something?"

She arched one of her eyebrows expectantly. "I have known you for over thirty years, spill."

"Fine," he took her by the shoulder again and guided her forward. "Are you working tomorrow night?"

Babysitting, she should have guessed. Amelia wanted to say yes so bad, but she knew the less she lied the easier it would be to keep up all the lies in her life, for the moment at least. "No, but I'm on call."

Derek seemed to think for a moment. "See Meredith and I – well I thought since Cristina came to visit we could have dinner."

"So? Derek you don't need my approval it's your house…" and then she got it. "You want me to cook for you."

"You make me sound like a slave master, I'm asking nicely and you are invited to the dinner."

Amelia huffed, he would never change. "Alright, but I'm not cleaning up or going shopping so you'll have to take care of that."

He gave a nod, this new effort he was making at stepping down seemed to be really working. "Of course. Oh and just one last thing do you think I should invite Owen?"

Her eyes grew big as saucers, the agitation became quite clear on her face. "Why would you do that? I mean, wouldn't it be, like, super weird for everyone? You shouldn't, then it would just feel like one of those awkward family dinners with Lizzy's ex-husband that she insists on inviting every year-"

Derek was a little thrown off at his sister's insistence, but Meredith had already made it perfectly clear that inviting Owen would only happen with an okay from Cristina. "Alright, relax. Let me know what you need to cook and rest a little, you look horrible."

He ducked just in time to avoid the pen she threw in the direction of his head. Luckily he found his patient and Amelia walked away as fast as her feet would carry her. She had a feeling this whole situation with Owen and Cristina was just about to blow up in their faces any second. The dinner with Cristina was going to be painful enough, well it wouldn't be per se, but a dinner with Cristina, Meredith and Derek trying to keep a secret the fact that she was seeing Owen and Cristina knew it was going to torture. The silver lining was that was indeed on call and she could just bribe a nurse to call her mid dinner, so she would have the perfect escape plan figured out. Amelia shook her head and wished she could slap herself. She hadn't seen Derek in months and the this was the first time she spoke to him since he had come back and he had somehow managed to get her to do something for him. The manipulation gene was obviously hereditary. She had been looking forward to tomorrow night, her and Owen were both on call and were planning to stay over at the hospital in some forgotten room, she had found quite a few while exploring when she moved to Seattle. While still lost in her thoughts she felt a hand on her back pushing her into a dark room.

The second they were in she felt warm lips on her neck and the smile that formed on her lips seemed to be tearing her face in half. "I missed you last night." He was holding her close and she felt herself melt into his arms, effectively forgetting about the predicament she had just got herself in. Amelia grabbed his lab coat and dragged him down so that she could reach his face and kissed him, holding down his neck with her hand she proceeded to kiss along his cheek, jaw and down his neck, biting and nibbling on the skin there. Taking advantage of his half bent position he picked her up, pressing her against the door, while she continued attacking his neck, pulling at his coat trying to get it off, holding herself up with her own legs around his waist. Despite how hot it was, the way Amelia kept pressing against him was starting to become rather uncomfortable and definitely inconvenient if he was going to have to get out of the room any second. Making sure she was holding on he moved them to the sofa in the corner, sitting down and letting Amelia straddle his waist. "Door's unlocked." She panted mid kiss.

"You can go lock it." Even knowing it was a risk, and they had been taking almost extreme measures to make sure to keep their relationship a secret, she just smiled, pupils so big the blue in her eyes almost disappeared, clearly she had absolutely no intention to leave her current spot. She just kissed him, pushing the coat from his shoulders and freeing one of his arms, the other one locked securely behind her back. Her own arms went around his neck, her hands tangling in his hair, while Owen's free hand found its way under her coat and under her scrub top, moving dangerously close to the clasp of her bra. They didn't even notice when someone flung the door open and gasped at the sight. They, however, knew immediately who it was thanks to the scream that followed.

"What the hell is this?"

Both turned their heads to see Meredith shutting the door right behind her back, locking effectively the three of them in the room. Amelia reluctantly slid on the sofa next to Owen avoiding her sister-in-law's eyes. "Well?"

Owen stood between her and Amelia. "Look this is…"

"If you tell me it's not what it looks like I swear I'm going to hit you." She spat angrily. It seemed that, while Meredith's anger was making Owen feel guilty for whatever reason, it was making Amelia more confident every passing second.

"Meredith," she started calmly, standing right next to Owen, she'd uselessly tried to fix her hair. "This is exactly what it looks like, I'm-"

Meredith looked baffled. "What? You're sorry?"

"No, I have no reason to be sorry, I – we have done nothing wrong." Amelia was a bit put off by her reaction.

Owen wrapped his arm around Amelia's waist, something that sparked the anger and frustration in Meredith, if it were possible smoke would have been coming out of her ears. "I understand you feel like we went behind your back, but it's not about you."

"It's not?" she raised her eyebrows, she glared at Amelia and then Owen. "What about Derek? What about Cristina? Did you really have to do this now that she's here?"

Amelia tried to cut in, Meredith was mad, which was understandable, but she was crossing the line. "We were keeping it to ourselves, for the moment-"

Before either of them could say anything about Cristina already knowing or the fact that they were planning to tell her and Derek about their relationship and weren't planning to sneak around for the rest of – however long it was going to be, Meredith had already stormed out of the room slamming the door on the way out. She took out her phone and speed dialled Derek, she was so angry, at them, at Derek and at Cristina who was going to get on a plane back to Zurich and leave again. When he picked up she didn't even let him talk, just said "Make sure Owen is coming to dinner tomorrow." And hung up hoping in the pit there would be something to do, keep her mind from exploding.

Owen and Amelia just looked at each other at loss for words. She smiled at him and dropped on the sofa, holding her head in her hands, breathing deeply. Owen made a move closer, but the brief look she gave him before dropping her head back down told him she needed a little time, which despite how hard it was, he did without a second thought. After all he could use some time to think by himself. He stepped out of the on call room and saw Callie walking fast down the hall, she gave him an inquisitive look and then winked at him. "Wow, I heard Cristina was back, but that's one hell of a welcome home."

He frowned and peeked at his reflection in the steel door, he had what could only be described as a huge hickey on the side of his neck. No wonder it only made Meredith angrier when he, and then Amelia, had tried to reason with her.


	6. Chapter 6

Luckily, Amelia managed to get out of the hospital early and escape from the epic tension between Meredith and Derek. In the little while she had lived with them she had witnessed several screaming matches and passive aggressive silences, but this was far beyond those. It was pure tension, unspoken and lethal. Knowing fully well she couldn't play Switzerland and be neutral and diplomatic she just decided to run and, with the excuse of having to cook dinner, she disappeared. She was definitely not ready for the awkward fest that was going to be this dinner. It was going to be boring and uncomfortable enough before Meredith walked in on her and Owen and now without knowing that Cristina knew she was going to make her night as miserable as possible. All things considered Meredith could get mad all she wanted about them sneaking around, but they were both single and were more than allowed to do whatever they wanted with whomever they wanted. After all it wasn't like her and Meredith shared and told each other everything, they were close, but not that close.

Also, she cursed herself all the way back for deciding on making lasagne, which was going to take up most of her otherwise free afternoon. Well, she volunteered to take the kids home so it wouldn't have been free anyway, but she liked spending time with her niece and nephew and they were good kids so it wasn't that hard anyway. Meredith, Derek and Cristina came home about a couple of hours later, their faces told her the unresolved issues between them were still unresolved and a look Derek threw her way made her palms begin to sweat. Had Meredith told him about her and Owen, was he going to scream at her too, because she was tired and she was on call so she did not have the patience for that, not tonight. Still minding the food, she kept under control all the people in the living room out of the corner of her eye. Cristina was playing with Zola, Meredith had disappeared somewhere and Derek… he was just there a minute ago and now he was gone.

"What have you done?"

Amelia jumped three feet into the air. She had not seen him standing right next to her. "You'll want to be more specific."

"Yesterday I spoke to Meredith and she was fine – well, not fine, but she didn't look ready to rip my head off, today I couldn't even say a word." He was gathering dishes and cutlery to set the table. "I know I didn't do anything and Cristina didn't either, so when she mentioned something about you I realised-"

"Derek either you spit it out or the dinner will burn." She said, fidgeting with the oven mittens, going out of her mind with her brother tip toeing around whatever it was that irritated him.

He sighed and leaned his back against the counter beside her. "Nothing, it's probably nothing. Just hope you made enough because Owen is coming too, Meredith insisted."

Well, of course she did. Screaming internally Amelia tried to stay calm and collected, hoping to be able to get through the dinner and get out in one piece. "Owen? Is Cristina okay with him coming?"

"Funnily, yes." He shrugged. "She was laughing her head off in the car when Mer told her."

Amelia gave a tight smile.

"Is everything okay?" when she didn't answer he pressed on more. "Amy, do I need to worry?"

Unfortunately in the mess her life had suddenly become she had momentarily forgotten about her addiction and how every time she looked a bit off everyone would automatically assume she was using again, or at least think it. "No, God, Derek no. I'm just tired."

Balancing precariously the dishes in one hand he patted his sister's back with the other. "If you want to skip the dinner it's okay, we can keep some leftovers in the fridge and you can go take a nap."

While he was being uncharacteristically nice and understanding and his offer sounded so, so inviting at the moment, she couldn't really bail, not after yesterday. "It's fine, I'm on call anyway, might have to run to the hospital in the middle of it." He nodded satisfied with her answer and went on setting the table, trying not to trip on any of the million toys Zola managed to scatter all over the floor in the little time she had been home.

Amelia turned off the oven and looked around, fixing the salad and all the little things she prepared for dinner, making sure it was all done, wanting to take a shower or rather wanting to get away before the dinner. She went to her room closing the door behind her and taking a deep breath enjoying the quiet. A part of her wanted to tell Derek about Owen, right away, rip it off like a band aid and maybe fake an emergency and let him stew, but with Meredith still so angry the rational part of her decided it was probably better to wait until she calmed down and maybe wait and do it with Owen. She tore off her clothes and went into the bathroom, making a mental note to thank Derek for building a house with so many bedrooms and especially for building her spare bedroom with its own bathroom.

The ten minute shower was more about the ten minutes surrounded by the sound of the water falling, rather than washing, the sound of the water drops reminded her of the sound the rain drops made on the trailer. She closed her eyes and thought back to any of the times she'd slept in the trailer falling asleep to the sound of the rain, amplified by the shape and metal of the tin box, all while being held in the arms of this man that most days felt like a dream, just a figment of her imagination. Hanging on the calm and relaxed feeling Amelia threw on the same jeans she had been wearing before and picked out a clean shirt, pulling her hair up in a messy ponytail. Leaving her room and trying to keep it together enough to get through tonight, she bumped into Cristina. The two looked at each other for a few seconds without making a sound.

"Hey I don't know if I should thank you or anything, but tonight is turning out to be one of the best nights of my life. I feel like I'm trapped in a really bad soap opera and out of the proverbial crossfire." Cristina smiled. "Seriously just when I thought yesterday was good you topped it. I really like you Little Shepherd."

Amelia's eyes narrowed. "I liked you too before you called me Little Shepherd, but I'm glad I'm making your stay worthwhile."

"Oh come on, cheer up! And it's a sibling thing, when there's more than one of you I need a way of making the distinction."

Amelia sighed. "I guess it's better than Derek's Sister."

Cristina tilted her head to look at Amelia. "Don't be so tense, I'm not going to do anything to jeopardise whatever secret agreement you two have, you guys are so cute together – it'll be more fun like this anyway."

"Oh, well then you should know that Meredith knows." Amelia gave a sarcastic smile. "Because this wasn't awkward enough, so…"

"I see your point now. She has been in a crappy mood all day, no wonder. Why did you tell her?" seeing Amelia's guilty look it suddenly came to her. "Oh my God, she walked in on the two of you doing the nasty? This is amazing. I should write a book."

Amelia rolled her eyes and they both heard the doorbell ring, knowing fully well who that was going to be. "Show time. I have to get food out of the oven."

"Yeah, you do that. I'll wash my hands." Cristina patted Amelia's back in mock sympathy.

Amelia walked back into the living room, debating whether she should avoid Owen completely and pretend he wasn't there or if that would look entirely too weird and she should instead try and be nice and polite and detached, but interact with him like she would with any colleague of theirs coming to dinner. She went for a mixture of the two, saying a quick hello and thanking him for the wine, grabbing the bottle from his hands and taking it away with her into the kitchen. For just a second the temptation to open it and drink, just a glass, was overwhelming, her better judgement kicked in and she just set the bottle on the counter next to the food that still needed to be brought over to the table. While everyone else settled in and especially helped Zola settle in because, while Bailey already had dinner, she was going to eat with them, Amelia waited in the kitchen, which despite the lack of walls and proper separation from the living room still offered a sense of protection and isolation. Taking a deep, deep breath she took the bottle in one hand and the lasagne in the other and made her way to the table. Carefully putting everything down, she gave Derek the bottle who gratefully took it away from her with a smile that made her insides turn. She hated the pity looks. However, the best part turned out to be how she randomly ended up sitting right between Owen and Derek. Owen turned to her and the look on his face was an adorable attempt at looking casual, a rather failing attempt.

"Sorry, I know you can't drink." He tried to also sound casual, still failing, the softness in his voice was unmistakeable and Amelia just hoped Derek wouldn't notice until the end of the night, because otherwise Cristina would have golden material for her book.

She smiled avoiding eye contact and pretending not to see Meredith glaring at her from her position opposite them at the table. "It's fine, don't worry."

In fact Meredith was so intent on glaring that she completely missed how Cristina turned to Zola, sitting in between them, and made her laugh a little to relieve the tension and especially to have an excuse to laugh herself. "Are we going to eat or what?"

Derek took control of the food and the wine, not entirely oblivious to what was going on that he was obviously missing, but determined to keep up morale and not turn the dinner into a screaming match for whatever reason. Halfway to dessert two pagers went off and all doctors, minus Cristina, went to check only to see it was Owen and Amelia being paged back to the hospital. Apologising as always they stood and put on jackets and shoes, and pick up bags and phones all around, making their way to the door still apologising for the extremely impolite way they were leaving dinner. Being surrounded by surgeons though, they entirely and genuinely understood. They all understood, but Meredith was still glaring, she was on call too and hadn't been paged, it was definitely strange. Something that Cristina now noticed and had to elbow Meredith to offer an 'I understand', even if it was just out of having – relatively – good manners. "Stop it."

Cristina arched an eyebrow, all of them had clearly been part of the conversation where Owen and Amelia had decided to drive to the hospital together. It was absolutely normal and Derek hadn't thought twice about it and took it upon himself to get Zola ready for bed leaving Meredith and Cristina to catch up and drink all the wine. "Why are you being like this?"

Meredith groaned. "It doesn't matter, I'm just so angry I could strangle a puppy."

"At Owen?" Cristina probed. Meredith shook her head not entirely convinced. "Little Shepherd?"

Meredith looked up, a look that screamed dark and twisty thoughts. "You really don't want to know."

"Well, I want to know."

"No, Cristina, you don't." she insisted. It was endearing to Cristina how Meredith was trying to protect her in this dysfunctional, energy draining way.

She stood taking the bottle and her glass and moving to sit on the sofa, hoping Meredith would just follow suit. Once they sat facing each other Cristina filled their glasses back up. "If you are referring to Owen and Little Shepherd spending time together naked, I know. I can't believe I have been here two days and I know and you don't, I mean, you live with her."

"How do you know?" Meredith was now more intrigued than anything, she was apparently past the frustration and just falling back into old habits. "Did Owen tell you?"

"It's actually kind of a funny story," she began smirking. "When I arrived yesterday I went directly to Owen's trailer and he wasn't there, but I saw his car coming up, so I waited. Imagine my surprise when Little Shepherd came out and sat with me. It was blatantly obvious she was expecting to find Owen, but she handled it remarkably. Then it started raining and we had to get into the trailer with the emergency key that she relocated and once inside she changed into Owen's clothes. So that's how I used my mad detective skills to put together the pieces-" Had Meredith just elbowed her? "Ow! Such boney hands."

Meredith looked at her expectantly. "Well, what happened next?"

Cristina wiggled her eyebrows mischievously. "You want the details of our hot, so very incredibly hot threesome?"

"Gross. Tell me that did not happen."

Cristina sighed. "Awesome as it would have been no. It was just me and Little Shepherd until Owen came home and I came over here, so no nudity and no porn, at least while I was there. We just talked."

"Little Shepherd?" Meredith asked, a smile finally made it to her face. "What is that?"

"Come on, you know I don't do names."

Meredith sat back with her glass, feeling a lot more comfortable and relaxed, she had been so mad for Cristina, but seeing her being apparently okay with it was allowing her to, at least in present company, ease up on the ice cold shoulder. "I like Little Shepherd. So, do we like her?"

Cristina nodded. "We do. Really, I mean, Mer she's so much more fun than Derek."

"Derek doesn't do drugs."

Cristina shrugged. "Meh, nobody's perfect. Apart from me, that is." They both laughed. They were immensely happy of this improvised reunion and were just making the most of it, despite the recent events. "You should go easy on her."

Meredith looked down with the same exact look Bailey pulled whenever he was caught doing something he shouldn't. "It wasn't Amelia I was mad at – okay her too, but mostly Owen. I guess I still had this stupid dream fantasy where someday you would come back and you two would ride off into the sunset together. Also I was mad because they have been sneaking around and it's against the hospital rules."

"Really?" Cristina raised her eyebrows. "Are you really trying to make me believe that this was about the hospital policy? 'Cause let me tell you, you're doing a really bad job at it." In her eyes, though, Meredith noticed the same sadness Amelia had days before, it turns out it wasn't just her stupid dream fantasy, Meredith's eyes must have told Cristina what she'd seen because she was quick to stop either from taking the fantasy any further. "Look we did it, Owen and I, we were together for a long time, hell we even got married. I love him – or loved him – regardless, we kept hurting each other and no matter how much I want to be with him I can't give him what he wants and he deserves someone who can. He deserves to have everything he wants."

Meredith hearing the broken watery voice of her friend scooted closer so that Cristina could lay her head on her shoulder like the old times. "Even if that person is not you?"

"I thought as long as I was here he could date whomever he wanted, because I was sure he would never love another woman as much as he loved me, so they'd be just a…"

Meredith leaned her head closer, knowing exactly what Cristina wanted to ear. "A walking, talking uterus?"

"God, I missed you. Talking on the phone is nothing like this. You just get me." Cristina straightened momentarily to take a sip from her glass, then reprising her position against Meredith. "Yes, that's right. But then I left and I was worried about him, because – because it's not just anybody that can be with him and understand him, what he needs and what he wants and I know that and I just wanted so badly to check up on him regularly, but that would have been completely counter productive, so when I came back I wanted to check on him first."

"So let me get this straight, you want to get back with him, but won't because you both deserve better and at the same time you want to vet who he's with to make sure it's the right person, am I getting it right?"

Cristina nodded, she'd forgotten how easy it was to talk to someone who instantly understood the deepest, most complicated machinations of her brain. "I want to instruct whoever gets to be with him, tell them what to do or not to do, I don't want them to make the mistakes I did – whether they were mistakes or not – I just… don't want him to be in so much pain anymore."

Meredith nodded and wrapped her arm around Cristina's shoulder sensing there was more to this, but not, ever, pressing for more. "This is kind of profound, very evolved."

"It's Little Shepherd. Her words, my intentions." Cristina mumbled.

Trying to distract her without taking away the chance to talk Meredith decided to push just a little. "What about her? For Owen I mean."

"So far, so good, I mean did you see that hickey on the side of his neck? That's chemistry."

Meredith snorted, loudly. "Oh, yes. I know all about the hickey."

"Don't tell me you walked in on that?"

Meredith rolled her eyes shaking her head disapprovingly at the thought of Amelia and Owen going at it like teenagers. "Don't sound too excited, they still had their lab coats on, so I effectively stopped the hickey from spreading any further."

"Like a human contraceptive. That's too bad, I think I would have paid good money to be a fly on the wall."

"Well, there's still Derek they have to talk too, so you might have your chance." She smiled at the thought of Derek finding out that Owen was playing doctor with his baby sister, literally. "Seriously, though, what about Amelia? Do you like her for him, does she pass your rigorous compatibility tests?"

Cristina looked at Meredith with a look that was nearly unreadable. "I think she does."

Meredith didn't know how to take that, personally it was a relief, because if the choice came between her and Amelia she would choose Cristina in the blink of an eye and, for entirely understandable reasons, she knew Derek would choose his sister, which would make their marriage even more complicated than it already was. Suddenly replaying their whole conversation in her head, she got it, got why Cristina was being so confusing and had all these mixed feelings. "You are happy that she does fit, because it means that Owen is going to be okay and you don't have to worry about him anymore and you can move on with your life." Cristina nodded into her shoulder. "But riding off into the sunset with him was kind of your dream too and those two things are mutually exclusive, so you decided to let him go, because that's what you do when you really love someone."

"Yeah."

Meredith didn't need to look at her face to know that Cristina was crying, she just held her tighter, knowing there weren't enough words or promises she could make that would make this easier or less painful. She wanted to take in all her pain, over the years she had seen Cristina hurt because of Owen so many times, but this time was going to be the one and only time she was happy about it. It was a healthy kind of pain. So she just held on, not caring about the time passing and when Derek had checked in, seeing Cristina's tears, she just nodded, everything might be finally okay. With them, at least.


	7. Chapter 7

When Derek woke, the house was uncharacteristically empty. There was always someone around, Meredith and the kids, Amelia and now Cristina, who despite not officially sleeping there had spent the last couple of nights on their sofa and when he hadn't come home for the night in his bed. He firmly believed the dinner had been a complete success, especially after Meredith had unexpectedly decided they had to invite Owen. Back then he had not thought about it and had certainly not questioned his wife's complete one-eighty. All in all everyone seemed to fit in rather well. Meredith and Cristina were at the hospital – or so the note on the counter said. He walked out on their porch and took a long, deep breath taking in the quiet and calm around him, he loved his family, but nothing beat this feeling. Just like when he went fishing. Fishing. He could go fishing, he hadn't gone fishing in so long and today was the perfect day, no kids to pick up, no work and no responsibilities. Derek was in such a good mood he peeked at the trailer to see if Owen was there. The last time he had taken someone fishing with him, it had been Cristina, that was a fond memory, and now he just wanted to take someone with him and share the experience. Of course there was the bonus that once he trapped him on a boat in the middle of the lake, he could try and get him to spill the beans on him and Cristina.

He tried his phone, which went to voicemail, but straining his neck from the bench he was sitting on he saw the blue pickup right next to the trailer. Trying his phone again and still not getting any answer he just stood and started walking there, but just when he was close enough he heard a female voice coming from inside. Immediately thinking it was Cristina he started to walk back, with a goofy smile on his face, apparently his dinner had worked miracles, he should call Meredith and – Meredith was with Cristina. At the hospital. The note was very clear and… so then, who was it inside with Owen? Shrugging, he started walking back and making a mental list of all the gear he needed to grab, but then his curiosity got the best of him. Walking swiftly back to the trailer he heard the voice again, they weren't talking loud enough for him to hear what they were saying, but he recognized the voice. It sounded so familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. Then she laughed. He knew that laugh, boy he knew that laugh. Derek had heard that voice for as long as she could talk and breath and smile and yell. His brain finally connected all the dots he realised in the trailer were Owen and his sister. Instead of maturely restraining himself, after all whatever it was they were doing inside the tin can they were adults, he went straight to the door, knocking more forcefully than necessary on that quiet, perfect morning and he just stood there, not sure what to expect. "Owen? Hey are you in there?"

Derek heard fumbling and people moving around the trailer distractedly and noisily, until someone opened the door and before looking up he was convinced it would be Owen, while Amy would be inside pretending not to be there. His eyebrows disappeared in his hairline when in front of him appeared his sister, clearly wearing Owen's boxers and t-shirt, and a knit blanket wrapped around her. Trying his best to look surprised to see her and not at all furious at how she was just going around wearing Owen's clothes. He wasn't stupid, he knew she was a grown woman other than his little sister, but for some reason at that moment she was that same five year old kid he was holding onto, trying to protect from the whole world. "Amy, Owen lives here."

"Yeah, I know."

He pressed a hand on his forehead, he couldn't really bring himself to look up at her. "So, what? Are you sleeping together? What are you doing here?"

Amelia smiled, for once she felt like the grown up of the situation. "No, we are dating. We are…" together, were they? Wondering what was taking Owen so long – she knew what was taking him so long and it was all her fault – she just silently urged him to come out of the trailer like, right now. She had no idea if they were a couple or together or friends with benefits, she felt like she was slowly losing the ability to function without him, but since they had never taken the time to sit down to talk about it and label it, she didn't want to lie to Derek. "We are seeing each other."

"Oh, okay." He paused. "How many dates?"

Amelia hesitated, his tone was calm and nice, but she knew that underlining hint of judging and condescending. She had no idea how to answer to this. She knew perfectly well what Derek was asking and why, but she still didn't know how to answer without giving him the wrong impression. "Look, Derek we…"

He nodded and Amelia could hear a scoff, typical Derek. Her history did not warrant for understanding, but he also didn't know a lot of what happened to her, in a way he still saw her as the sixteen year old who crashed their mom's car and overdosed. That was her, had been her and there was no denying it, but she became a neurosurgeon. She had relapsed and it was horrible and she hit rock bottom and then she hit it again and again. When the pain had started to be too much she'd decided to keep it from her family, from everyone who wasn't there with her. "Amy why do you keep doing this?"

"Derek it's not what you think." She insisted feebly.

"Then what is it?" he sighed, his eyes fell down on the ground and he sat on one of the chair right next to them. "Because Owen Hunt doesn't strike me as your type."

Amelia frowned, that was bold, coming from someone who had for years made a point not to be involved in her life. "You mean he's not young and looking like a model and partying until the sun comes up every night, because that makes him the coolest person in the world, that what you mean?" she looked at him, the fact that she had said it out loud made it sound so ridiculous and it also made it sound exactly like what he meant.

"No, Amy, that's not-"

"I know it is, I understand why you would think that, five years ago that was me. A lot happened and I had a lot of growing up to do really fast and I'm just not that person anymore, Derek." She paused to breathe, talking about that time in her life brought all those feelings back up again and now she could not afford to break down crying. "That's not me anymore."

Derek nodded. "I just want to make sure you know what you are doing."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Sure you do. You never had this need when I started seeing James you, and everyone else, were just glad I wasn't alone and checked me off your list-"

"Oh, come one it wasn't like that. I was in a plane crash, Amy. Your boyfriend wasn't my priority."

Amelia nodded, she knew, she remembered Addison telling her Mark died, she remembered threading on thin ice all the time, overwhelmed by pain and cravings, everywhere, everytime, she couldn't call her mom or her sister and then not even Derek. James did in fact save her back then, he stayed with her and gave her the stability, emotional stability, she so badly needed at that moment. "That's not what I meant. James was – is a good guy, he's a doctor, he grew up in a small town, with normal parents and had overall a normal, average, happy life. And he chose me, he stood by me even when he found out about my… history. When he proposed it all became so, so clear to me. I leaned on him, got better, got back to being myself as much as I could, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him." She chuckled. "I realised he reminded me of you, which is the creepiest thing I ever said out loud. I don't need another you in my life."

"Do you know, though, what you need?" he probed. Amelia shrugged her shoulders, what kind of question was that. "Because Owen is older than you and he knows what he wants."

She sat up straight, Derek's tone was calm, but she felt under attack. "Well you are older than Meredith."

"That's not the point and you're younger than Meredith." He insisted. "He wants to settle down, start a family-"

"Derek, I think Owen is more than capable of telling me what he wants, not that it's any of your business."

Derek shook his head slowly. "What I'm asking is, are you ready for that? Because you just ran from an engagement and you threw yourself into this other relationship or whatever it is and I'm telling you that you need to be sure about what you're doing."

Amelia was overly irritated at the way her brother was butting in into her life. "I just told you! God are you even listening to me." She sat back, pulling her knees up to her chest. "James wasn't right for me. He helped me and was there for me, but we never had a future."

"And Owen is? Right for you, I mean."

Amelia threw her hands up, he could be impossible sometimes. It's not like he was her parent. Or maybe he kind of was. "How should I know? And what's with the inquisition? You should be, I don't know, happy for me."

Derek hung his head. He had relatively good intentions. He was mad and the mad would probably come out when Owen would finally decide to show up. He loved his sister so much, but she was so much different from him in some ways and most of the time he could not understand what was going on in her head. "Owen wants children, are you even ready for that? I'm saying this because I love you, you are doing so well and having a family, a baby is not easy-"

"Derek stop it." Taking in a sharp breath, the memories started flooding back like a freaking rainstorm.

"No, I mean it takes a toll, you find out there this whole new side of life, babies are cute and adorable and everyone likes babies, but it's really hard, they bring worry and pain and-"

"Stop it."

Derek stopped seeing the tear tracks down Amelia's face. He hadn't noticed and he was at loss. Fortunately, before he could say anything else and possibly make matters worse, Owen finally emerged from the trailer. He was torn momentarily between Derek looking like he had just kicked a puppy and Amelia crying in the chair. In a second the universe stopped. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, quite literally too. He wanted to make a good impression, sure he and Derek had known each other for years, but Owen wasn't stupid, he knew that dating his sister was a completely different thing than dating his wife's best friend and required a lot of convincing and good faith. At the same time Amelia was sobbing and he had no idea why and it threw him off a little, their relationship was so relatively new and based mostly on not talking about their demons and, most of the time, not talking at all thanks to their instant and unspoken connection. Thinking quickly he put his hand on Amelia's shoulder and squeezed, letting her know he was there. "Is everything okay here?"

Derek had a guilty look on his face, but he also looked confused, when they made eye contact, he just shook his head. He then turned his attention to Amelia, who he knew would not just tell him what happened, especially with Derek sitting right there. So he bent down, his face next to hers, caressing gently her hair and hoping she would calm down, instead she burrowed her face in his neck and kept crying. "What happened?" he whispered to her, but she just held him closer.

"Amy whatever I said I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like this-"

Owen cut in, he had not heard all of their conversation, but from the few months they spent working together at the hospital before he left, he knew he had a way of stepping all over his sister and it hurt her so deeply whenever he did it, he didn't think Derek realised just how much it hurt her. "Derek, really?"

This comment, though, got to Derek's nerves. "All due respect, you might be sleeping with her, but this is my sister."

"Well, she wasn't crying when she came out." He retorted, but then he stopped. He didn't want to pick a fight, for no reason. He put both his arms around her and held on, rubbing circles on her back, waiting for her breathing to return to normal and the sobs to quiet down. It took a few minutes, but eventually she calmed and as soon as she was ready to pull herself together she pushed Owen away. Nicely and in an almost unnoticeable manner, but he did notice. She stood then without looking either of them in the eyes and offered some feeble excuse about having to head to the hospital and so she had to go inside and change. As she went back inside Owen took her empty seat. He just looked up at Derek.

"I don't know what I said." He admitted shrugging, but worried. Owen understood the feeling, the feeling of not having the faintest idea what was going on in Amelia's head had become something he was getting more than acquainted with lately, and he also understood that some other times she just could not share and, while it was hard, he accepted that. "I didn't mean to upset her."

Owen smiled. "I know. Just so you know, this," he gestured himself and the trailer, where Amelia was changing. "is serious. I know about her past, not all of it and maybe I never will know all of it. She knows some things about me. I'm not trying to pressure her into anything she isn't ready for, hell I don't even know if I'm ready for it."

"I pushed." Derek sighed. "I shouldn't have but… I just asked her if she was ready to settle down, start a family, have children…"

Owen just frowned. "Why would you bring that up? You know it can't be easy for her and-" he stopped abruptly the look on Derek's face told him he had absolutely no idea what he was referring to, which could only mean Amelia had not told him. She hadn't told him much about the baby she had lost, but from the look on Derek's face he was almost completely sure she had told him absolutely nothing about it. He was stuck. Didn't know how to continue. He didn't want to draw attention to his almost slip, Amelia was in no shape to explain that one right now.

"You know something I don't." Derek narrowed his eyes. Before Owen could continue or even think about something to say Amelia emerged from the trailer all put together and ready to go to work. She grabbed the keys of the pickup from the counter without saying anything – she was leaving Owen literally stranded in the woods – and looked at the two men sitting at the table.

"I don't think I'll make it back for dinner." she said looking at Derek and running innocently her hand along Owen's shoulder and arm, she walked to the car and drove away without another word, while they just sat there looking at the pickup shrink more and more.

"Well I originally came to ask if you wanted to come fishing with me." Owen looked at him like he had suddenly grown another head. Even if that had been the real reason for his visit, why would he really still want to go after all that had just happened.

The offer would feel like a trap except the tone in his voice told Owen it was genuine and after Amelia broke down he had no intention to make it any worse. "I've never gone fishing."

"There's a first for everything. You'll like it, trust me. It's incredibly relaxing."


	8. Chapter 8

When Amelia came back that night it was very late, so late Derek had left a little lamp on in the living room for her, but all the others ones were off. Part of her was relieved to be alone, after that morning she didn't feel like facing anyone, especially Derek and, let's face it, her and Meredith weren't on the best of terms now. The other part of her, the one who begged her to give into the little voices every time something went wrong, felt anxious and antsy at the absence of awake people in the house, she felt exactly like a little child scared and unable to sleep, but too proud to wake her mom. She made her way inside, noticing Cristina wasn't sleeping on the sofa in the living room. She switched the light on and sat on that sofa, right in the corner, snuggling in the pillows, enjoying how she felt safer when surrounded by all the cushions. She couldn't go to her room, it felt too open and lonely and dangerous. That morning had dug up feelings she had managed to keep buried for a very long time and instead of dealing with that, maybe going to a meeting, she had done surgery after surgery after surgery, which meant she had to deal with them now. While she felt the darkness wrap around her like a blanket she heard something. A voice. At first, she thought it was either Meredith or Derek, or both of them. Listening more closely she realised it came from one of the children's rooms. Amelia sat up straighter and took a few deep breaths, she didn't want whoever was going to wake up to see her looking like that. Like a crazy person. Nobody showed up and Bailey, who had initially called quietly, started crying. She walked all the way to her nephew's room and saw him standing, holding onto his crib's rail and looking up at her with big, wet eyes. Amelia just stood there unsure of what to do, but then he stretched out hand in her direction and, without thinking twice, she went to pick him up and quickly headed back to the living room before he woke anyone else up.

Amelia sat down on the sofa holding Bailey close, with his head against her neck to shield him from the light. She knew he was awake, barely, but still awake. She could see his big, blue pacifier moving and felt him try to grab the skin right below her collarbone. "You know," she started caressing the back of his head with her thumb gently. "I had a baby once. It would have been your cousin. A little bit older, but I'm sure you would have been friends. I mean, all your other cousins are a lot older than you. Actually I don't know about your cousins on your mom's side, I don't even know if you have any."

Almost as if he understood what she was saying, he turned his head up and just stared up at her. She rubbed his chubby cheek. "You would have liked that, uh?" Amelia felt tears well up in her eyes, her vision blurred and she felt that itch in her nose, a tell-tale sign that in a few seconds she wouldn't be able to stop the tears from falling. "I would have liked that too. It would have been hard because his father is dead and I would have been alone, but I would have liked to have him around. It was a boy, you know, just like you. He was beautiful, he looked absolutely nothing like me, but it just means my genes weren't all that good, and well, you don't look like your dad either – apart from your eyes. We have the same eyes, you and me. I wonder if my baby would have had our eyes."

"When I found out he was growing in my belly I was so scared. I'm not a bad person and I know I'm your favourite aunt, but it was not a good time for me to have a baby of my own." Amelia sniffled and started rubbing Bailey's back, feeling him relax against her, he was almost completely immobile baring the hand kneading her skin right below her neck. "Then I was happy, so happy. I love babies, I just wasn't sure if I was ready to have my own. But I could feel where he was, right inside of me. It was amazing, I don't think I have ever loved anyone as much as my baby." Her voice cracked. "His Aunt Addison found out he didn't have a brain. My perfect baby had no brain. It hurt so much, deep inside. I'm like your daddy, I fix brains, but I couldn't do anything for him. Nobody could help fix my son." The tears were flowing freely down her face, it had been years and still the pain was so intense, she wondered if it would ever get better, if there was going to be a day in the future, when she would be able to think of him and not feel her heart hurt so much. "I kept him with me as long as I could. I thought I was strong enough for it, for going through the rest of my pregnancy knowing my baby was going to die. But when he started kicking me it was just… the best feeling in the world. He did it at all hours, all day and night. He couldn't see so he didn't distinguish light and dark. When he was agitated he couldn't hear my voice, but if I put my hand where he was kicking he would calm down."

She didn't care about the tears falling profusely down her cheeks, the fact that the little make up she had put on was probably smudged all around her eyes. She held Bailey a little closer, he was born almost exactly one year after her baby. When she got the call Amelia had been jealous, happy for Derek, but tremendously jealous. So jealous she had not seen him, intentionally at first, until she moved to Seattle – not that she had meant to move permanently, that just happened. She loved him so much, Zola too, but he was the living reminder of what she lost and strangely, she found comfort in his presence rather than nostalgia. Maybe it was because she had waited so long to see him and the wound wasn't so fresh and he looked nothing like the newborn she had held in her arms, after all newborns look all the same. He was a baby, he had shiny, blue eyes and he could sit and point and ear and see. "When he was born I didn't want to see him. I thought I didn't, I thought it wouldn't hurt as much if I didn't see him. I did, though, see him and he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. His head was smaller than most babies, but he was perfect, and he looked a lot like his daddy. They are together now. For some time I wondered if I should join them, you know, it might sound silly to you, but they were my family and they were gone. I was alone again. Then my friend Charlotte had a lot of babies, all at once. When I saw them healthy and happy I thought I wanted that too. What do you say, you want any more cousins? 'Cause I mean, fourteen sounds like enough."

Bailey cooed in his sleep. "Yeah, I know what you mean. What if my next baby too doesn't have a brain or is missing some other body part or has a really bad disease that nobody can cure – I don't think I can go through that again. I do know that I can't go through that again. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong."

She heard a knock on the door. For a second panic set in thinking either Meredith or Derek had hear what she said. She was in no mood to explain. The sound, though, came from the front door, balancing the child in her arms, careful not to wake him, Amelia made her way to the door and opened it recognising the shadow. "Owen."

She had obviously forgotten about the tears. "I came home and saw the light turn on, I thought you wanted to be alone, but then I realised I didn't want to be alone so - " When he looked up and saw the black stained tear tracks on her face, he went in full worried mode. "Amelia what is going on? Are you alright?"

Amelia gave him a tight smile and let him in, moving back to the sofa, sitting down softly and repositioning Bailey with his head on her chest, his stomach against hers. She motioned for Owen to sit next to her and he intended to, but after a couple of steps he hesitated. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "Besides everybody is asleep."

Apparently, that was good enough. He sat down next to her, putting his arm around her, pulling her to him. She snuggled into his side, letting her head rest on his shoulder. Owen closed his eyes for a moment. It was perfect, just perfect. She fit perfectly against him, and he could hear the soft snore of the baby sleeping on her chest, and for just a second he let himself pretend it wasn't Bailey, but his own. Maybe someday it would be like that, if their relationship held on for long enough, one day soon he would get to come home to her and their baby, or she would come home to them. The shaky breath Amelia took, however, interrupted his fantasy. He couldn't see her face, but by the way she pressed closer to him he could tell she was thinking possibly similar thoughts. He couldn't be more wrong.

"Derek may have been right." He said nothing, but kept stroking her hair, urging her to continue. "He said you want to settle down and have a family."

Owen was confused, not able to follow her train of thoughts. "What do you mean?"

"This morning," she cleared her throat hoping her watery voice wouldn't sound so… watery. "This morning we talked and he said you want to have a family."

He shook his head, should he get mad and tell her that her brother should mind his own business or try to understand her point. The dilemma ended when he saw tear drops falling on her chest, new tears. "Amelia, listen to me. I am more than capable of telling you what I want, when I want it-"

"Which is what I told him." She sniffled, determined to stop crying even if she knew she probably wouldn't be able to, not tonight. Owen nodded, patiently waiting for her to elaborate. He was sure he wouldn't be able to follow anyway, most of the time she'd give him the tip of the iceberg of what was going on in her head and it was hardly enough to fully understand.

"I want to give you everything you want." He couldn't see her face, but he knew she was crying, and he had no idea how to stop it. Careful not to wake the baby he pulled her tight against him, leaning his head on hers. "I do."

He reached with his other hand and held her head against his, rubbing circles on her temple with his thumb. "Alright, but you don't have to worry about it, okay? Whatever is going on, I'm here for you, whatever you need."

"You left Cristina." She had not wanted to drag her into this, but she didn't know how to explain without revealing anything that would actually send him running. Amelia couldn't see his face and therefore had no idea how he had taken what she had just said. She didn't know if he was angry or sad or just plain baffled. "I asked around today, subtly. The nurses talk, they talk a lot and they know everyone's business. One of them said you divorced because she didn't want kids. I know not to believe everything I hear and that I should have talked to you instead, but I got scared, especially after what Derek said."

Owen sighed. It was true and completely wrong all at once. He shook his head, he really didn't want to talk about Cristina, especially when she was here. "It wasn't exactly like that, but that's true."

"She told me about that." Amelia said in a small voice, almost a whisper, half wishing he wouldn't hear her.

"About what?" There was not one cell in his body that believed Cristina would tell his new girlfriend about the abortion. Only Meredith had been privy to that information and even then they really weren't talking. "What did she say Amelia?"

She took his hand from her head and turned up, wanting to look him in the eyes. "I didn't need her to tell me, really. It's quite obvious. You want kids. You like kids, you are good with them." Letting out an internal sigh of relief he entwined their fingers. "I want to give you everything," her voice cracked and she leaned her head back against his neck, his own falling right against hers. "I just don't know if I can."

"Just so you know Cristina and I divorced for a million reasons, her not wanting children was just one of those. As far as Derek is concerned I don't think you have to worry."

"Yeah, sorry about that, I really didn't mean to run out on the two of you."

"We went fishing, actually."

"What?" her sudden outburst woke Bailey, who started fussing and turning on her chest. With a calming hand she rubbed his head, caressing his soft, thin, blond hair until he relaxed and went back to sleep.

"Apparently one of the beautiful things about fishing," he said running his own hand down Bailey's back, stopping to cover her own hand on the back of the baby. "is that you can't talk or you scare away all the fish."

Amelia turned her head up to his, her eyebrows arched, asking, but not asking what had been said after she left. "You had a good time, then?"

"Yeah, he just said I didn't have to explain anything. I think he's okay with, uh – us." He leaned down and kissed her, just a peck, he wanted to reassure her. Owen saw her smile and felt relieved, the issue with children would still be an issue if and when they would revisit it. She had told him she lost a baby, she had given birth to a baby who died. He had assumed it would be hard for her to talk about children at all, let alone having any with him after being together for a few months.

They settled back, snuggling close, mindful of the sleeping baby. Amelia realised she should get him back to sleep in his crib, but he looked so peaceful and he made her feel better, calmer, safer. Well, him and Owen.

Owen was enjoying their moment, not saying anything scared of ruining it. However, he found himself at loss when he felt Amelia's breathing even out. She and Bailey were both asleep. Something told him he should get up and leave, preferably after putting them both to bed, but he couldn't move an inch away from her. She made him feel in a way only Cristina had. He still loved her, he would probably always love her. In a way, he realised, that made Amelia feel intimidated, she had made friends with her, but Cristina was Cristina and there was no denying she was still one of the most important people in his life, even if she wasn't technically a part of his life anymore. He must have dozed off too, because he was startled awake when someone made their way noisily through the door. Horror painted on his face when he saw Meredith guiding a very drunk-looking Cristina to the sofa. The clock on the microwave told him it was three in the morning. Owen just stared at the scene in front of him, helpless. When he met Meredith's eyes the events of a few days prior made him sit straighter and loosen his arm around Amelia. "I should, uh, I should go." He cleared his throat.

Owen was expecting her to be mad and yell – maybe not yell since there was a sleeping child, but be extremely angry for sure. Instead, she surprised him and smiled. "Don't. I mean you don't have to." She walked closer to them to peek at Bailey happily asleep in his aunt's arms. She brushed her fingers on his cheek and he stirred a little, Amelia's arms automatically tightened around him even in her sleep. Meredith looked at Owen. "I'd better put him to bed."

He nodded and smiled sweetly. "Sure." He helped disentangle him from Amelia's arms. Once Meredith picked him up, Amelia was still sound asleep and turned to Owen snuggling against him. For a brief moment he wondered whether she was actually awake and trying to piss Meredith off, but he knew she was a heavy sleeper and even she wouldn't take such a risk, knowing she still lived with her and Derek in it would only be to the detriment of the happy cohabitation they had, she was just deep asleep. She could sleep through rainy nights in the trailer, she could sleep through anything.

"You should take her to bed too." She just said and left Owen on the sofa with Amelia sleeping against him and Cristina passed out on the other end, or so he thought.

"You are very cute together." She slurred the words.

Owen sighed, for some reason since Cristina came to visit, he had skilfully managed to get himself in the most awkward situations possible with her, Meredith and Derek. Part of it was Amelia's doing and he was sure she thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was mostly bad luck. "Ugh, thanks I guess. I'm glad you like her."

"Yeah, yeah." She waved him off. "Just take her to bed, so I can have the whole sofa to myself and please don't wake me, the walls are paper thin in here."

He just decided not to give into the weirdness of the moment and engage Cristina in a conversation, she clearly had enough to drink not to be able to stand so that would have to wait. Owen turned to Amelia, still asleep and unmoving against him. He shook her shoulder gently enough, but she only buried her head further in his neck and gripped his sweater tighter in her hand. So he just reached behind her knees and picked her up carrying her to her own bed. The house was dark and he had never been to her room, he knew where it was, but that served him only to get there. When he reached the door, he found it ajar and pushed it open lightly with his foot. The moon light coming through the giant window let him see the outline of the bed, he laid her down gently, pulling a blanket up her body and then turned around with every intention of going back to get as much sleep as he could in the trailer.

"Owen?" she asked in a confused, sleepy voice, without opening her eyes. He sat down next to her on the bed, stroking her hair. She threw the blanket off and looked up at him. "Where's Bailey?"

Owen didn't miss the way she was clutching her stomach, where her nephew had slept for a while. It didn't take Freud to guess what she must have been dreaming about. "Meredith put him to bed." He let his fingers tangle in her hair, wondering if it was just another one of the hereditary Shepherd traits, perfect hair. Not that he thought of Derek's hair like that, but apparently, most of the female staff at the hospital did. He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. "Good night, 'Melia."

He tried to stand, but she grabbed his wrist. "Don't go. Sleep with me."

"Amelia, everyone is here. There's Cristina asleep on the sofa." He reasoned, but then she smiled shyly.

She sat up in bed. "Just sleep, I promise. I'm way too tired for anything else." She pulled her jeans off, tossing them somewhere in the room and took her bra off from under her shirt, something that had Owen's eyes glued to her, or rather to where her bra had just been. She snuck under the covers and waited for him to lay next to her. Owen was searching in his head for a reason, any reason, why he should not sleep right next to her, holding her tonight. He came up with a lot, none good enough to dissuade him. At lightning speed, he took off his shoes and pants and slid in under the covers in the empty space in her bed. Scooting over he pulled her back against his chest and held her tight, maybe too tight, but she did not complain. He kissed the back of her neck, since he couldn't reach her face, and after a few moments of wandering his hands wrapped around her middle, covering hers.


	9. Chapter 9

Owen woke at the sound of something banging on the trailer. It wasn't someone knocking for sure, he had been living in this thing long enough to know exactly what that sounded like. Instinctively he pulled Amelia closer to him, she was half laying on him already and she was now completely pressed against him. She sighed in her sleep. He was in awe of her, when she slept she looked so peaceful, all the worry lines and the anguished look in her eyes disappeared and left a relaxed smile. Okay, maybe he had something to do with the relaxed smile, but she looked perfect anyway. He deeply envied her ability to sleep so soundly, since after his first tour Owen woke at the smallest sound. He couldn't sleep in on call rooms and when he had stayed over at Derek's a few nights before he'd woken every single time he heard something and in a house with five other people, plus Amelia, it just meant he spent most of the night awake. Some times he would poke her in her sleep just so that she would snuggle closer to him, some other he just enjoyed watching her – he would never tell her, obviously, he was quite sure she'd find it incredibly creepy. He heard the noise again. The banging was now accompanied by a grunting sound he didn't recognise, it sounded almost as if there was someone or something outside. In the time he'd lived here, he'd never heard anything like this and it was starting to worry him. Out the little windows by the bed he could only see the wind, which was only contributing to the noise, but no one lurking or anything that would explain the sounds he was hearing. Planting a kiss on Amelia's head he sat up a little to her, very evident, displeasure.

"No," she mumbled, still asleep. "What're you doing?"

Owen smiled at her. Luckily he didn't actually have to wake her, so he just held her there. "There is a noise outside."

Amelia groaned. "We're in the middle of the freaking woods, of course there are noises outside."

He chuckled, caressing her hair, burying his nose in her loose curls. "I really should go check."

"No," she insisted sleepily. "You really should stay here."

"It could be something dangerous." He pointed out, matter-of-factly.

Amelia sighed. "Which is reason enough to leave it out of the trailer. Besides what are you going to do, big bad Major Hunt? You are literally naked – personally I find you rather impressive, especially naked, but I'm afraid it won't be enough to scare away the poor raccoon that's out there."

"Who says it's a raccoon." She didn't say anything, instead he felt warm, wet lips on his neck. "Amelia." He said warningly.

She grunted and disentangled herself from his arms, pushed his back down on the bed and straddled his waist. Their faces were millimetres apart, she had felt his hands try to stop her, but the look he had now on his face told her he wasn't going to even try anything like that. "Do you need me to distract you so that you can fall back asleep and let me sleep?"

"Please."

She kissed him. Slowly at first, teasingly even. He let her believe she was in complete control, she liked to think she was and, frankly, from time to time he liked to let her be. She was well on her way to have him distracted enough not to know his name anymore when he heard the noise again. It was closer to the door and he was now definitely worried. In the nicest way possible he pushed Amelia back to the bed and sat putting on a shirt and his boxers. Amelia huffed and rolled on her side facing away from him. "Why do you have to go?" he couldn't see her, but he was smirking because he could bet his uniform she was pouting.

"Because." He said. She was being a teeny tiny bit childish and he thought it would be just fair if he did the same. Big mistake.

She smiled, though, her smile was extra sweet and definitely out of character for her. "Don't bother coming back then, I'll just find a raccoon to keep me company tonight and tomorrow, and the day after that and the day after that-"

Owen shushed as they both felt something literally bump against the trailer, giving it a good shake. Before he could think he grabbed a flashlight and headed for the door, ignoring Amelia worriedly calling him. He opened the door gently, not wanting to startle whatever creature was roaming around. When he stepped out onto the porch, though, he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary, walking to the steps he made sure to point the light on every square inch around him and still he couldn't see anything or anyone around. Owen went down the steps, trying to make the least noise possible, it was already windy and thus hard to hear little twigs and leaves creak. He had served in the war and still he felt his carotid pulsating. Crazy how that had never happened before, in all the time he had lived up there he had heard all kinds of noises, he'd just brushed it off, usually assuming it was a stray raccoon, just like Amelia had been insisting. Hearing the noise with her in his arms had set in motion feelings he didn't even know he had. Something he had never felt with Cristina, if there was one thing she didn't need was protection and he would wear Zola's pink crown to work before admitting to Amelia that he felt the need to protect her, but the scars and the brokenness that she displayed so openly with him just made him want to shield her from the whole world.

In this moment, wearing a t-shirt and boxers out at night in the woods, chasing a noise just because he was worried for Amelia, Owen felt for Derek. It was evident how much he cared for his sister and how much he just wanted to keep her on a leash, to be able to check on her, make sure she was alright at all times. It must have been hell growing up with those feelings, especially given her history – his respect for the man just went up a notch. His thoughts, while deep and insightful, had distracted him from his target. He was definitely not ready when the flashlight hit a giant ball of dark fur. Too big for a raccoon, too small for a bear. While he was able to keep the panic under control, it was the doctor complex that got him into trouble. Once he had made sure the animal wasn't moving, he went a little closer, at least to try and make out what beast had interrupted his very, very good night. The noises he heard, moving until he was about three feet away from the beast, were not grunts anymore, but something that resembled little, soft wails. Putting aside the notion that this animal, while it seemed in need of help, could dismember him before he had time to call anyone, he drew nearer and nearer, until he was able to see its face. It was a bear cub, a little grown, but not nearly enough to be called a bear. There was a voice in the back of his mind telling him to run for his life, but the saviour instinct shut it up. As he approached it, he made sure the bear saw him and when he moved again that it wouldn't snap and bite his hand off. Owen sighed in relief noticing it was stuck. It was crying desperately because it was stuck, one of its paws was stuck in the trash container. Working slowly and meticulously, trying to asses the paw as he went – he had zero experience with animals, but how different are they really from humans – he managed to get it free.

When was done, the bear was lingering around, almost implicitly letting him check for blood or scratches or splinters. With his wits coming back to him he realised he really should go back inside, before mama bear came looking for her cub. That was indeed his intention, but things changed the second he heard Amelia call for him, loudly. She must have been worried, he had disappeared without a sound, which then had been wise at the time, and obviously had no idea that he was back there with a bear. The poor thing got scared and got on its hind paws and, Owen realised with horror, they were the same height. All the training in the world and he had no idea what to do. He thought he should probably scare the bear away, but he couldn't, he had just helped him with his paw and while he knew animal instinct didn't know reason, but he did. While his dilemma went on the bear moved in his direction to attack him and he didn't know what happened, just felt his back hitting the ground and suddenly saw the bear disappear into the woods.

"What the hell, Owen!" Amelia shrieked.

He was so confused and a bit shocked. His brain had just focused on the fact that he just helped a bear. A bear. "Melia, what?" She was on her knees beside him, her eyes were huge and… teary? "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay!" she said, her tone was a lot quieter, but there was an edge he couldn't make out. He was about to comment on her current attire, he was almost completely positive she had come out wearing only his dress shirt. Before he knew it, though, she was pulling him up right holding his arm firmly in her hands. Too firmly. Her hold was so tight it hurt. A lot. Instead of complaining he looked down and saw a ten inch gash on his forearm bleeding profusely. Amelia's hands were pressed right above it, they were doing little to stop the bleeding. "Come one, get up. What the hell were you doing with a bear?"

Owen stopped walking and waited, despite her trying to keep walking, until she looked up at him. "He was stuck."

"He?! Did you also name him Yogi and promise him our leftovers?" Her voice was panicky, but her eyes were determined and definitely steady. He stood and she guided – dragged – him to the trailer. "Do you have a first aid kit in here?"

"Yes, I think so." He thought. He never had to use it, he imagined Derek had stashed one somewhere, though. Right, which meant he had no idea where it was. "I don't know where, though."

"What?" she looked mad. To think that if he had not gone outside they would be laying in bed. Naked. She might be screaming all the same, but it would be so much more pleasant for him. The little bear would be still trapped, back there. Lost and scared. The little bear that had just cut up his arm open. "Seriously, Owen! You are a trauma surgeon and you don't have a first aid kit! Not even a suture kit laying around."

She was fuming. Almost literally fuming. "Amelia relax. It's just a cut."

"I am not relaxing." The look in her eyes gave her away instantly, she was all but relaxed. He didn't think twice or try to argue when she disappeared inside the trailer, he was obviously waiting in the grass to avoid smearing blood everywhere. She came back out a few seconds later with a towel and wearing shorts and his sweatshirt. "Come on. I know Derek has one for sure."

Owen sighed. His arm hurt, but him and pain went way back. He could have driven himself to the hospital with that arm, yet he wasn't about to tell her that. He had an inkling she wouldn't hesitate to hurt him more if he tried to be a smartass about it. Thankfully, the walk was relatively short, because neither of them was properly dressed for the cold outside and the wind made the cold feel freezing on their skin. However when they got to the porch he stopped to make sure the towel was wrapped securely around his arm, he guessed the bleeding had gone down, but still wrapped it tighter around it, he really, really didn't want to get blood everywhere in that perfect house. Amelia used her keys to get in silently and in the dark they made their way to her room where she sat him on the toilet, like a little kid, and ordered him not to move an inch. He let her.

"What's going on?" a sleepy voice called from the living room.

Amelia turned to see Cristina, relatively awake on the sofa. "Sorry we didn't mean to wake you."

Cristina sat upright about to comment how they could have sex in the trailer without waking her up in the middle of the night, but then she switched on the light, not wanting to miss the blush on Amelia's cheeks, and saw blood all over her legs. "What happened?"

Amelia was a bit dazed and stared at the suture kit in her hands for a second. Was this all really happening? "Nothing, it's uh…" she took a deep breath and her voice from shaky turned to raging. "Owen was playing with a bear in the woods and got hurt."

Cristina frowned. "Are you high?"

Amelia scowled at her heading to the bathroom. "Unfortunately not."

"Sorry, I had to." She stood and followed her. "Is he okay?"

"For now." She said through gritted teeth.

Cristina grinned. She was mad at him. It was so adorable. When they got in, however they found Owen waiting patiently, sitting on the toilet with his arm bleeding in the sink. Cristina started laughing uncontrollably at the circumstances, once she saw he was okay with her own eyes she couldn't hold it in anymore. "What have you done."

Before he could answer, and he wasn't even sure that was actually a question, Amelia was pouring antiseptic on the wound and his face contorted in pain. He hadn't seen it coming, something he was quite sure she had done on purpose, his arm was stinging so bad it felt like it was burning.

"Apparently, Yogi got stuck and needed help." She scoffed.

"And you saved him?" Cristina asked completely serious.

Amelia looked at her shocked. "Don't encourage him. If I hadn't thrown a rock its way I'm not sure what would be left of his arm or him, in general."

Cristina was bent in half, between the look on Owen's face and Amelia biting his head off, and the whole story, she was about to pee her pants. Meredith's pants. "I can't believe you went from stabbing pigs for fun to Doctor Doolittle. I ruined you."

"Stabbing pigs?" Amelia looked at him, eyes bulging, ignoring Cristina's comment. It sounded like he used to go around stabbing animals for fun, like a serial killer in the making. Actually if they kept this on, especially if this little accident started to look even remotely like those embarrassing and highly awkward five minutes the three of them spent in the trailer together, he might consider homicide legitimate. Or suicide.

He breathed in deeply. "For training. I stabbed sick, sedated, dying pigs for training."

"That's horrible." She muttered cleaning mud and whatever else had ended up in the cut.

Cristina shrugged. "It was actually kind of fun, in the end. We all thought he was off his hinges when he did it."

Owen just shook his head, seeing the two of them together he realised he must have a type with women. They were so similar in some ways it made the idea of being locked in a bathroom with them terrifying. And hot. Wait, hot – the blood loss must have been getting to him. It would be indeed, hot, but he had never been that kind of guy and he wasn't about to turn into him now.

"Crap." Amelia exclaimed suddenly. "You need stitches, lots."

He grimaced. "I thought so, but I don't care about scars, you can do it."

"Owen," she growled. Maybe he shouldn't have said that, just maybe. Amelia, though, wasn't paying attention to him anymore. "There's no anaesthetic here, not even painkillers."

He put his other hand on the arm. "It's okay, I don't need anything."

"Owen be serious, I don't need you to play Rambo here. Plus I know what it's like to saw someone up who can feel what I'm doing and – there's no reason for you not to take them, please." She was so angry at him, but he saw the look in her eyes, clearly there was some history there.

Cristina bit her tongue, she knew he was serious about not needing it, but she also knew the mood had shifted and if there was a time to hold back on the jokes it was now. "Actually I think they still have some left in their bathroom, from, you know, the plane crash and emergency surgery and-"

"Can you get them, please?" she asked calmly to her.

Cristina nodded and left. The wound wasn't bleeding anymore and looked clean and, guessing from the massive dose of surgical antiseptic Amelia had poured on it, not infected. He put a hand on her back, she was angry and scared and now sad. She didn't look up at him, but leaned into his touch a little. She was looking down at her lap and, for the first time, noticed her legs were covered in blood. Amelia took in a long, shaky breath and looked up at him. Seeing her big blue eyes Owen cupped her face and stroke her cheek gently. "I'm still mad."

He smiled reassuringly. "I know you are."

Just then Cristina appeared in the doorway Amelia hastily pulled away. Cristina handed her a syringe and she relaxed visibly at the sight. "This is even better." She took his arm and gave him the numbing shot, then proceeded to open up the suture kit. Amelia sat on Zola's pink stool. The one she used to reach the sink when she was smaller and now that she didn't need it anymore and Bailey had started to use it to climb on it, Derek had hidden the thing in her bathroom. It was ridiculous, but it proved useful right now. She took Owen's arm and put the bloody towel on her legs, carefully laying his arm on top of it.

"You should know Derek isn't here, which means he could be coming back any time." Cristina said. A weird silence had fallen in the bathroom and she had started feeling out of place, she had thought it was maybe time to go back to her sofa to sleep, but then this was too good to miss out on.

"He knows." Amelia said, not looking up from the arm. "Maybe he would have been happy to give you stitches without painkillers, though. We can wait for him if you want." She gave Owen an apparently innocent look.

Cristina frowned, she had been around Derek a lot the past few days and not once she had noticed a shift in his demeanour, or at least nothing like what happened with Meredith when she found out about them. That meant he most likely had not walked in on them half-naked. "He's mad?"

"Not at all, actually. A little, perhaps, but he handled it rather well, all things considered." Owen said.

Amelia stopped for a moment. Her hand, the one not sawing his arm, went into the pocket of her – his – sweatshirt and pulled out her phone. "What the…"

He frowned. "Are you on call?"

She shook her head, while trying to text back with only her left hand, something that had never seemed that hard. "No and apparently Derek is there." Her phone vibrated again. "Damn it. I have to go."

She started to get up, but then remembered she was suturing up Owen's arm and looked back and forth between Owen and her phone.

"I can finish up here if you want."

Amelia looked up at Cristina's offer. All kinds of feelings welled up in her. She knew she had to go, but she felt guilty for leaving and she was still angry and wanted Owen to know just how angry she was. Surprisingly, though, it was jealousy keeping her stuck on the stool. She shouldn't, she knew she shouldn't be jealous, but she couldn't help it. Her hesitation made it very, very obvious for Cristina, who started feeling guilty. She should have just gone back to the sofa. Owen wasn't hers to worry about anymore.

"Trust me I'd rather go to the hospital and get my hands inside a body, but I haven't been on neuro since forever. Actually since you came to visit after the shooting, so I'd just kill the patient and you'd end up having to fill in a crap ton of paperwork, the both of you."

Amelia smiled, she had called Cristina the dud resident, if only she had known. She sighed, there was really no alternative, otherwise she would have to drag Owen to the hospital with her and some intern would end up stitching his arm back up, doing more harm than good. "Right."

"You two worked together?" Owen asked. He had not picked up on the true nature of Amelia's feelings and now she was gone, changing in the bedroom not even bothering to clean up the blood on herself. "I didn't know that."

Cristina shrugged, but her smile faded. "It was a long time ago and I didn't exactly work. It was right when I was thinking of becoming a plumber, I'm sure you remember."

He sure did. It was a painful time and a painful memory. "You said Derek was like the KGB."

"That's accurate." Amelia chuckled reappearing in the doorway.

"He was impossible." Cristina groaned. "I couldn't go to the bathroom without telling him."

"Welcome to my life." Amelia sighed. "Actually back then he would have been the happiest man in the world to see me on a plane back to LA, let alone operating with him instead of you."

Owen felt left out of their conversation, it usually happened with women talking, but he made a point to follow them, he didn't want them talking with him present like that. "But he let you scrub in?"

"I brought the patient. I came to visit and brought him a tumour. You'd think that would be enough to please the king of all things neuro, yet I still had to fight my why in the OR." She snorted.

"Wait, you came to visit or to bring him a tumour?" she just made it sound like a present, like flowers or chocolates. A brain tumour, he shook his head confused.

Cristina grinned, this was going to be funny. "She found it on the way over."

Amelia turned red as a tomato seeing where this was headed and decided to put a stop to it before it could even start. "There was a man on the plane and I diagnosed a tumour, thought it would be a worthy bribe."

"You diagnosed a brain tumour just like that?" he was amazed, she must have been barely a fellow back then. He knew she was good, but that was the gifted kind of good. "No exam, you just saw the symptoms?"

Amelia bit the inside of her cheek, her plan just backfired on her. "Sure." She tried to sound convincing.

"That's impressive."

Cristina was getting tired of this and her arm holding the needle was falling asleep. "She felt his," she tried to make her voice as serious as possible, while tears formed in her eyes, actively ignoring Amelia scowling at her. "spongy hands."

Owen's frown deepened and Amelia's phone beeped again, reminding her she was supposed to be on her way to an emergency. "He was feeling me up, okay? You just got mauled by a bear so you don't get to look at me like that."

"He what?" he spat, but she just walked away. "She slept with a patient?"

Cristina was thoroughly enjoying herself. "Not really. She made up for it, though, before she left she-" she stopped herself. This was not cool, she shouldn't be telling Owen these things, if anyone was going to tell him at all, it sure as hell shouldn't be her. "Well she got what she came for."

"What?" he asked, she could tell his question wasn't the dumfounded kind of I don't event know what we're talking about. He wanted to know. He looked… mad? Jealous. Definitely, it was none of her business so Cristina diplomatically put it to rest.

"You should ask her, not me." He didn't say anything to that, but the look on his face told her more than he would have allowed himself to say. He looked disappointed, hurt. She smiled tightly, he wouldn't feel like this unless… unless he thought the world of her, unless he thought she walked on water. Unless he was in love with her. The realisation made her happy and sad at the same time, but as she had cleared up with Meredith, ultimately she was happy for him. "Owen, look at me."

He did reluctantly.

"It was years ago. Don't do this, don't be mad at her for something so stupid." She said softly, keeping her eyes on the cut, her hands never stopped working.

He sighed and hung his head. "She just didn't struck me as…"

Cristina cleared her throat. "It doesn't matter. I slept with a lot of people too before we met. Everyone has a past and you, better than anyone, know that we shouldn't have to defend it."

Owen didn't say anything. He had no idea why this was bugging him so much. Cristina was right and, rationally, he knew he had no reason to feel this way. Still he couldn't shake off the feeling. Also his reaction bothered him, he was usually not so quick to judge and let these things slide easily. "You're right."

"Of course I am, I always am." She grinned, it was better to change the topic of conversation. "By the way, why in the world would you go outside if there is a bear, couldn't you call animal control or something."

Owen shrugged. "I heard a noise, it could have been anything. Or anyone. We were alone in the woods, I had to go and check it out."

"You know, you don't need to impress her with all the GI Joe crap, I'm pretty sure she told you like three seconds ago – Rambo I think she called it. Still, I don't think you need to make an impression at all." She smiled. He was so clueless. Her too, but Cristina was sure the long drive to the hospital would be mind opening. After all tonight had been a bit traumatic for them, regardless of the happy ending.

"Worked on you." He whispered.

Cristina scrunched her nose. "Yes, I might have fallen for that. But Owen, tonight she was ready to bite your head off, you were hurt and she got mad. What does that tell you?"

He just raised his eyebrows. "I know why she was mad, the bear interrupted-"

"No. I don't need to hear it and wrong." She looked up at him and saw the utterly lost look in his eyes. "I don't know Little Shepherd all that well, but from what I know and what I managed to get out of people at the hospital-"

Owen snorted, they were more similar than he thought. "Little Shepherd? As in Little Grey?"

"Works and it's a memory efficient way to remember names."

"Does she know you call her that?"

"No, and she doesn't need to, when I'm talking to her I don't need to call her." Then she turned serious again. "I know she lost people. Men. She lost men she cared about in her life. How do you think she felt when she saw you playing Doctor Doolittle with a grizzly tonight."

Owen nodded. Cristina was making sense. A lot of sense. "She was scared."

"Yes!" Cristina said triumphantly and he patted himself on the back, but then realised she had been talking about the stitches on his arm. It looked like about fifty stitches, more or less. She started putting away the suture kit and started searching into the first aid box for a giant band aid or any sort of bandage. "And?"

Owen arched one eyebrow. "And what?"

"Ugh, you men are so slow." She found a bandage big enough and started to wrap it around his arm. "Look we are not the same. Me and her. You can't behave the same way." As she saw him start to retort, most likely telling her she didn't know what she was talking about she stopped him. "Your feelings may be the same, but she's not me."

He frowned. Standing up he went into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. What was Cristina even talking about, feelings and him treating Amelia like her. She had no idea. It was arrogant of her to think she knew anything about his new relationship when she didn't even really know Amelia. Fortunately, she didn't seem intent on continuing their conversation and disappeared to throw away the towel and everything that was stained in blood. He just sat there, unmoving, her words were making his stomach feel weird. When he looked up a few seconds after that, he found her standing, leaning against the door, with a smile on her face. "What?"

She sighed, sitting right beside him. "I'm not going to spell it out for you. I'm going to tell you that she is scared and worried about that little accident and she is going to pull away, avoid you and ignore you for as long as she can. She is not going to check on you because she knows you're alive and she's too proud to show any weakness."

"You just said you don't know her well-"

"She is a woman Owen. She the same kind of woman I am." She said matter-of-factly, growing slightly irritated it was taking him so long to get her point.

Owen frowned. "But you just said you're not the same, Cristina make up your mind."

She moaned frustratingly, he was making this way too complicated. "We are like Callie and the other women are like Arizona."

"You are bisexual?" he said slowly, trying to understand.

"No! No, no, no." she sighed. "Let's try this another way. Why did you go outside, why did you leave the trailer when you heard a noise?"

Caught. "I was worried."

Cristina nodded. "She wasn't?"

"Amelia was asleep, she didn't hear anything, she's a heavy sleeper, could sleep through anything." Owen sighed. "I went out because I was worried for her. It's not the first time I hear animals roaming around, but this time I was worried for her."

Saying it out loud felt different, he couldn't quite explain it, but it made him feel different. Admitting it to Cristina made him also feel part safe and part out of line in a way that was bordering insane. "What does that tell you?"

His permanent frown deepened, if possible. "What, that she's a heavy sleeper?"

"Not what I was going for, but works too." She remembered vividly and precisely a conversation the two of them had last year. Cristina shook her head, it was wishful thinking that made her hope he would be able to connect that with what he was saying. Adrenaline was still pumping in his system. "Why were you so worried? It's not like you."

"I guess…" he had no idea. He didn't know what Cristina was getting at and, frankly he wasn't sure he wanted to get there. This conversation, well, the conversation he had planned on having with her while she was here was definitely not going the way he'd envisioned. Yet he realised she was sluggishly, slowly making sense, so maybe he should give her a chance.

Cristina smiled and gave him a comforting look. "I'm pretty sure you already know, I'm just making you say it."

"I guess it's because I'm terrified of something happening to her." Owen said before he had time to think it, it went straight out of his mouth. It felt good to let it out. The words felt like rocks leaving his body. In the back of his mind he was still wondering whether he should really be talking about this with Cristina of all people.

"Because…"

He nodded. Got it. "Because I don't think I can live without her – I mean, I can, but I really, really don't want to have to."

Cristina squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "See that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Owen looked at her. God, he still loved her so much. She had been such a big part of his life and for the longest time he had truly believed she would be in his life forever. Loving her, though, came with a load of pain he couldn't handle anymore and, he was sure, she couldn't either. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked, her eyes were a little teary, but there was a genuine smile on her face. "For being happy? For moving on? We divorced more than two years ago Owen and we both know it wasn't the plane crash. I am happy for you. I want you happy."

Owen smiled back, he wasn't as aware and in control of all his feelings unfortunately. "I want you to be happy too."

Cristina nodded. She had not found another man, she knew she would never find one like him and, as always, her primal, animalistic instinct was to drag Owen all the way to Zurich and keep him with her while she lived out her dream. He wanted none of that, though. He wanted stability and love and a family and putting together cribs and playing catch in the backyard, to him medicine and surgery was a job a satisfying, fulfilling one and his vocation, but it wasn't his entire life. She was happy now, surgery and hearts were her life. She wanted a little more, but medicine took up more space than she needed to fit Owen in there, she just had to find someone who would. "You should sleep here tonight, just to be sure. I'll check you out in the morning, if you're still alive."

She chuckled and stood, intentioned on going back to sleep on the sofa. "Wait, Cristina, I…"

Cristina waited a little, but once she realised he wasn't going to say anything, which meant he might just be about to say the wrong thing, she took matters into her own hands. "You said she's a heavy sleeper. She suffered and understands suffering to the point that it hurts her to do everything not to try to change you and accepts you just the way you are." Owen narrowed his eyes and looked at her, the words were familiar, but he couldn't quite place his finger – oh. "Owen, there's a billion people out there, but there's only one her."

With that, she disappeared, closing the door behind her and he knew better than to follow her. She had just made him realise and say that Amelia Shepherd was the woman he saw himself spending the rest of his life with. There was a pang in his chest that urged him to go out there and hug her or… something. He couldn't, it would hurt her and him, and Amelia. Settling in the bed on Amelia's side, where the pillow smelled of her, he gripped the covers until his knuckles turned white. This letting go business was so damn painful. He had, long before now, but the fact that Cristina was now not just not with him, but inaccessible to him had made things unbelievably easier, as long as she'd been around in the hospital he hadn't been able to make relationships work. It had to work with Amelia. A feeling in his gut told him she was it, this was his chance, his last chance. She was exactly what he wanted and more, she was the kind of woman who was going to kick his ass if he tried to go all macho on her and that would hold him without saying a word if that's what he needed. Cristina was right.


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith walked into the kitchen that morning. Bailey woke up at six and she hadn't been able to get him back to down so she kept him with her in bed for a little while and then, when he was finally asleep again she just got up, enjoying the extra twenty minutes to get ready before she had to get both kids ready for daycare. Walking into the kitchen she noticed Cristina was gone, she wasn't on the sofa anymore and the bathroom was empty. That was strange. Derek still hadn't come home and Amelia was in her bedroom, there weren't that many places she could be. Ignoring all the thoughts that started to form in her mind, pushing aside all the zebras, Meredith just started making breakfast. It was a far cry from Amelia's version of breakfast and the kids were usually disappointed to see the bowl of cereal instead of waffles or homemade toast or pancakes, but they would certainly manage. Speaking of, she should really have a talk with her sister in law and clear the air about everything that had transpired in the last few days. She had overreacted and got angry, when the normal people reaction should have been hugs and congratulations. Luckily, she knew Amelia didn't do normal people things either, in that sense she was grateful she wasn't a female, mini Derek, but she got the dark and twisties too. Pulling out the cereal box Meredith noticed it was empty. Cursing Cristina for finishing off Zola's favourite and putting the box away rather than in the trash, she went to get a new one and fixed her daughter's breakfast. Bailey wasn't old enough to be as picky and usually got whatever was easiest and fastest to make. Setting the bottle and bowl on the counter in front of their seats, she went to throw away the empty box. Opening the trash can she saw something that made her insides turn.

It was a bloody towel a dripping, soaked through bloody towel. Her head started spinning, Cristina was gone and there was a bloody towel. Instinctively she rushed into Amelia's room, she was the only other grown up in the house and she had come home after she went to bed, thinking she might know something. When Meredith entered her room she wasn't expecting what she found. Instead of Amelia there was Owen asleep in her bed. She felt her eyebrow arch and decided she and Derek should have a talk about Owen sleeping over – wait, when did she become her mother? That was scary. Assuming Amelia was in the bathroom she went to peek inside the open door, only to find it was empty and there were blood stains all over the sink and an abandoned suture needle. She walked back to where Owen was sleeping and noticed a bright orange post it on the wall above his head and she recognised Cristina's handwriting.

Check for temperature, if above 103 bring to hospital.

Meredith was… late. She was late. The extra time she had carved herself out she had spent in the kitchen and trying to understand just what the hell happened last night in her house while she was asleep. She called Owen, maybe too quietly to wake him up and he didn't even stir. She called him again, but he didn't move. Desperate times – Meredith shook his shoulder and he snapped awake, a bit disoriented.

"Owen! What happened? Why are you here and where are Amelia and Cristina?" she urged him, doing a quick exam, without him noticing.

He blinked groggily as the events from last night came back to him. "What do you mean where's Cristina?"

"There's only me and you here, and the kids." The kids, crap. She was supposed to be getting them ready. She touched Owen's forehead, it wasn't the most accurate way of checking his temperature, but after almost a decade of being a doctor and a few years with feverish children she had developed incredibly good human thermometer abilities. "Damn it, you're warm." She stood, going for the door, rushing, mentally checking the list of to do things before she left the house, praying her car was still there and Amelia or Cristina had not decided to leave her stranded here. "I need to take you in, get dressed and give me a hand with the kids, we need to go."

He laid back, allowing himself a second before today started. Today was starting on a strange note already, Meredith had woken him up, checked his temperature as if he was another one of her children and started bossing him around. Trying not to think about that or anything, really, he grabbed the pants Amelia had swiped from him last week and slipped them on, putting on the sweatshirt she had been wearing last night. He didn't have to be at the hospital for hours still and he had a change of clothes there, the chief of surgery walking in in sweatpants and sweatshirt wasn't the best example, but he didn't have a choice today. Moreover, if he had to guess his truck was already at the hospital so he had to go with Meredith and she was apparently in a rush. When he got to the living room Zola was already dressed and ready to go, while Bailey was crying desperately.

"What can I do?" he offered.

"Zola needs to put her shoes on and Bailey still needs to get dressed, take your pick." Then she looked up and her brows raised at his appearance, he looked like he was going running and there was blood all over one sleeve of the sweatshirt he was wearing. "What is with the blood everywhere?"

Owen just now noticed the stains on the sweatshirt, unfortunately Amelia had not borrowed one of his suits. He remembered last night she had blood smeared all over her hands and legs, but he hadn't even checked the sweatshirt when he had put it on. "I had a close encounter with a bear." He said, there was a guilty undertone to his voice, and lifted up his sleeve to show the bandage. "Amelia took me here and Cristina stitched me up."

"You – wait, what?"

He cleared his throat, he had a feeling this was going to happen multiple times today, taking it upon himself to dress Bailey up he explained, "A bear scratched me. I didn't know where the first aid kit was in the trailer, so Amelia took me here and then she was paged and had to go and Cristina stitched up my arm."

She nodded slowly, she definitely did not want to anymore about that. "Okay, but then where is Cristina?"

"I have no idea. She should be here." He shrugged. He wasn't particularly worried, after last night's talk he would have disappeared too, she was either in the woods or, and he could put money down on that, at the hospital where she had somehow wormed her way into some surgery. He didn't have time to dwell on it because they rushed to get the kids ready and into her car to get to the hospital, Meredith kept going on about a surgery she had in less than an hour and so Owen just offered to take the kids to daycare or find Derek to take the kids to daycare. Frankly, he hadn't had time to realise he was going to have to spent at least half an hour in a car with Meredith. The last time they had talked, baring that dinner, she had found him with his hands in Amelia's bra and it hadn't gone down all that well. The wheels in his brain were still furiously turning at the thought of everything that happened last night and when Meredith turned down his offer to drive, he relaxed staring at the woods passing by out the window.

"Derek told me you talked." She just said. He didn't know whether he was supposed to say something or she would eventually continue. Cristina had been straight forward enough that he had no idea how to react and most of the time he didn't need to say a work with Amelia.

After a few moments, however, he looked at her from the corner of his eye. "We did."

And again she didn't say anything. God, this was exhausting. He had no idea how Derek did it, he vaguely remembered him saying he just didn't, but loved her so much it didn't even matter. Owen turned to Meredith, not brave enough to just talk and she raised her eyebrows, urging him to expand on that without needing her to ask word for word. He didn't know what to say. They hadn't had a proper conversation. Amelia and Derek talked while he – while he made himself presentable and he had walked out on Amelia crying and Derek looking the perfect mixture of guilty and clueless. It hadn't been an actual conversation, more of an unspoken agreement, he and the Shepherds had a way of understanding each other without needing to breath a word. "What did he say?"

"I suppose he's okay with it."

Meredith tilted her head sceptically. "Either he is or he isn't, which one is it Owen?"

He shrugged his shoulder, he had absolutely no idea, but then he realised it was none of Meredith's business anyway. "We didn't really talk. We went fishing."

"What?"

Owen just leant back in his seat, talking with women about women things, gossip and relationships was hard enough, talking with someone who expected him to think like a woman was draining him. Silence fell and he let him mind wonder, he saw the trailer, far away in the trees, today was a beautiful day and the sun reflected making it look like an abandoned spaceship. He lost himself in thoughts and memories, he thought back on last night and remembered Amelia's face when she had found him. Cristina's words were echoing in his mind and he finally understood, Amelia had been angry, but at first she had looked absolutely terrified. If he hadn't been in shock he might have also noticed she was crying. He needed to talk to her. To hold her and talk to her. Maybe take her away for the weekend, or just to look at the stars laying in the back of the truck under a blanket.

"Look, Owen, I overreacted last week." Meredith started, effectively putting a stop to his daydreaming. "It's not my place to get angry, it's no one's place really. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, I was out of line and if Derek is alright with everything, then everything is alright."

He nodded, a little surprised, but then it all sort of fell into place. Meredith was mad and Amelia told him driving to the hospital after leaving the worst dinner of their lives, Meredith wasn't aware Cristina knew about them. They must have talked because the other day, when she had come home, she was all smiles and didn't seem in the slightest bit angry or irritated at him holding Amelia on her sofa. Last night Cristina basically told him he didn't just have to move on, but that he had to move on with Amelia, quoted his words back to him from when he had described his perfect woman. Amelia fit most of it, maybe all of it, and more. Obviously she didn't come without flaws or imperfections, but she was a person and he didn't get to judge someone for having baggage, even if that amounted to a sea container. "Don't worry about it, I understand. You were looking out for Cristina."

He had to have surprised her with his statement, because she actually turned to look him in the eyes and offered a little smile. "Sorry she's my-"

"Person, yes. Meredith I know that just because she's not here anymore and we're not together anymore or… whatever it was when she left, the two of you are not friends anymore either." He nodded.

Meredith nodded, she knew something happened that he wasn't telling her, but she would just ask Cristina. She also should talk to Amelia, her and her sister in law were similar enough to make living together easy, but it also called for friction a lot of the time. She should try and fix that. "You know, Cristina is leaving tomorrow."

Owen turned around shocked. She hadn't mentioned it, he knew she was going to leave sometime, but he had almost got used to having her back, even this sort of weird, not entirely, back. He had missed her so much and, while spending time with Amelia made him feel things he hadn't felt in a really long time, Cristina was Cristina and in a way, now, it was good she wasn't there in Seattle anymore or he was worried the second things started to get hard with Amelia he'd run to her. He nodded numbly and caught Meredith's sad look in the rear view mirror.

"I'm glad that you found someone, that you're happy." She started catching his attention. "She makes you happy, Amelia?"

Owen gave her a big, big smile. "Really happy."

"Okay, then." She smiled back, she knew Cristina would be happy about this and Derek would probably feel better knowing his little sister was dating someone they knew. Owen was far from perfect, but he was almost family already.

Meredith pulled in at the hospital and Owen let her run in to go prep for her hernia repair and instead he took his time with the kids, he didn't have to be anywhere for at least another hour. He sort of ignored her insisting that he needed to get checked out and decided to go find Amelia instead, hoping she was still here and hadn't left the hospital while he was getting there. He looked on the OR board to see if she was in surgery and his eyes found Shepherd right away, but it was – this time – the other doctor Shepherd. Owen was almost positive she was still here, her shift started in less than two hours and going home, considering it took an hour to go and come back, wasn't the smartest idea. He asked April in the ER if she was around and, for just a second, he thought about paging her, she wasn't on call, nor technically working so he decided not to abuse his power as chief to find her. April told him she was around there somewhere anyway, she'd finished her emergency surgery, guy overdosed and fell off a building surviving only to die on her table, and done a few consults instead of heading back home. If she really was at the hospital there were about six million places she could be and by the time he found her he had to actually start working, instead of playing hide and seek. He asked around a few more people, yet no one had seen her. He tried neurology, the ICU, peds and finally the OR floor where he bumped into Derek.

"Hey Owen, I heard you made a new friend last night." He joked, throwing away boot covers and taking off his scrub cap.

Owen frowned, how fast gossip spread around here would always be one of this hospital's mysteries to him. "I'll introduce you some time. How do you know? You saw Meredith?"

Derek smiled then. "No, but I was in surgery with Cristina and she told me all about it. Quite the night you had."

"Tell me about it." He groaned. "Wait, Cristina is in surgery?"

"She came in a few hours ago and just went into surgery."

Owen pressed a hand to his forehead, today was a bad day to be the chief of surgery. "I didn't give her privileges. If anything goes wrong it's a mess."

"Relax. It's Cristina, nothing is going to go wrong." He chuckled. "Besides, right now she's in with Pierce so the hospital's ass is covered."

Owen frowned, this was strange. He clearly remembered Pierce not liking Cristina at all, she had actually said to his face she was glad she was leaving. Operating together was quite a leap. Unless of course she was tied up and gagged in a corner. "Alright, I guess, but send her to see me when she's done."

"Sure thing, chief."

"Have you seen your sister?" he tried, for some reason he felt like he was asking her father and not her brother.

Derek gave him a dirty look. "Amelia?"

"No, the other one."

Derek's eyes bulged out of his head and his eyebrows raised in half surprise, half terror. "Are you being serious?"

"No, of course, Amelia." He replied hastily, not able to properly enjoy Derek's reaction to what was a joke he hadn't even planned. "She came in last night or, well, this morning."

"Yeah, I know, I was in surgery and there was an emergency and no one else to take it. Probably shouldn't even have called her in." Derek shook his head irritated, if he had known he would have switched with her right away. He knew she was all grown up and strong, but he knew it was hard for her to deal with all the reminders of her past and her mistakes and that could have been avoided. "Guy overdosed and died."

Owen was confused.

"He had a massive intracranial haemorrhage, he was a goner, but it's protocol. She was in surgery three hours before they gave up." Derek looked down. He had seen her coming out of surgery, she told him about the patient and when he noticed she had dry blood on her hands, under her gloves, and asked about it she had looked so sad, giving him a tiny smile, one he knew all too well. "I told her to go lay down and get some sleep, she should be around here somewhere."

Owen nodded, thanking him, walking towards the closest on call room. He barged in a few sleeping residents and interns studying, all fully clothed luckily, until he finally found the right room. She was sleeping on her stomach, tangled up in the blanket, he closed the door behind him, quietly, locking it. He sat down next to her, smiling when she didn't even stir, she must have been so tired he felt for her. His hand found its way to her hair, he liked her hair a lot, when they were in bed together his hands would always end up playing with her dark strands. The second he touched her hair he saw a smile on her lips and her hand went up to grip the pillow. He decided then he should wake up to this every morning, he would set his alarm earlier to enjoy the peaceful look she had on her face while she slept. Sometimes she'd still have that look after she woke, but most times, upon waking, that carefree feeling was overshadowed by all the other feelings she had deep inside. Owen laid down on his side facing her, he caressed her head, tangling his fingers in her hair, trying to wake her without startling her. The problem with waking up a heavy sleeper was that he was never sure just how much it took, there was a fine line between enough and too much and his hand on her just made her snuggle deeper into the pillow. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against him, kissing her. It seemed the fairy tale method worked. When she looked at him, her face was unreadable, she looked sad and he knew she had lost a patient, no matter how much of lost cause it might have been, it always left behind that feeling of failure and disappointment he was all too familiar with. She was scared, last night she walked out while discussing her mile high adventures and she was probably still hung up on that.

He just smiled. His epiphany, the one Cristina had forced out of him, had made him forget entirely about that. Owen stroked her cheek with her thumb, admiring her face and her eyes, the way she looked at him and that thing she did with her lips, when she didn't know if she should talk or smile or just be. "I'm sorry about your patient."

"Yeah." Amelia relaxed visibly and rolled on her side to face him, which he took as an invite to lay down on his back and hold her tight against him. She laid her head on his shoulder, letting him squeeze her to him. She loved that. "Are we okay?"

"What do you mean?" In the perfection of the moment Owen had apparently forgotten all about how she was most likely still thinking about their conversation from last night. "Oh, you mean your inappropriate way to troll for tumours?"

Upon hearing the words, those words, coming out of his mouth she pushed herself up, propping her chin up on his chest. The smile on his face was so contagious soon enough she had one too.

"I don't think I was ever really mad, surprised, but not mad and definitely not at you. You on the other hand," he playfully poked her nose. "you were ready to finish what the bear started last night."

She grinned and looked down, avoiding his eyes. "I was…"

His thumb brushed along her hairline, pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, giving him full access to her face. "Scared. It seems the two of us make bad decisions and do stupid things when we're scared."

Amelia looked at him sideways. "What is going on with you? You sound like a cheesy, corny song this morning." She narrowed her eyes to stare into his, ignoring his persistent smile. "Do you have a fever? Are you delirious?"

"I do have a fever, but not that high."

"What?" she sat up immediately, sitting back adorably on her knees. Amelia put her hands on his forehead and on the side of his neck. "You were attacked by a wild animal last night you should get checked out."

Owen grabbed her wrists stilling her hands. "I will. I came to the hospital, didn't I?"

"Not funny. Are you suicidal? Because between the two of us that's the last thing we need."

Freeing her hands he put his hands on both sides of her ribs and pulled her back down. "I realised something last night, after you left. Six months ago I wouldn't have left the trailer to check that noise and I definitely wouldn't have gone any closer to any animal."

"So what you are saying is that I tuned into an idiot?"

Owen chuckled. "Not really and thanks, by the way, for the vote of confidence. What I realised is that you made me do it. I did it because you were there and then when-"

"Are you trying to blame me because you were playing with a bear and you got hurt?" she quirked an eyebrow.

He sighed, his patience was being tried hard this morning. "No, I'm trying to say that sometimes something gets in the way of our rational thinking and we end up behaving in a way that seems irrational at best-"

"I think you meant you behave like an utter moron scaring the crap out of me-"

"Amelia will you shut up for two minutes." Owen looked at her, she was taken aback at first, but then smiled and nodded, he couldn't look at her, so he busied his himself tracing her collarbone with his finger. "I'm saying that I'm in love with you. I love you. Last night I left the trailer because I didn't want anything happening to you and it was stupid and reckless and I couldn't help it." When he looked up she was staring at him, she was looking straight at him with her big, blue eyes and, once again, he couldn't read her face, her emotions, her reaction to what he had just said. He'd had a night to sleep on it and he had a feeling her anger last night was proof enough that she was on her way to feeling exactly – she kissed him hard, rolling on her back and taking him with her. Owen let her drag him along and settled half on her he way too heavy, he'd squish her under his full weight, resting a leg between hers. Amelia's arms locked behind his head kept him exactly where he was, while her foot ran back and forth on his calf. One of her hands slipped underneath his sweatshirt and came in contact with his skin, he shivered at her freezing hand, but she felt just how warm he was and her brain went back to work.

"I need to check you out," she panted. "You need blood tests."

Owen sighed and laid his head on her chest, pressing his forehead against her neck, a lot like Bailey had a few days ago. He realised the kid may be onto something, because he never wanted to move, ever again.

"You need to go down to the ER. I'll come with you and hold your hand." Her hand was scratching lightly the back of his neck, making his skin feel all tingly and giving him goose bumps. Her other hand was splayed on his cheek, keeping him exactly where he was. Apparently he wasn't the only one that found their current position so comfortable and natural, just perfect – if it weren't for her hipbone digging into his stomach, of course, but with a small adjustment that could be fixed. She kissed the top of his head. "Then, if you're feeling well enough you have to change and get to work."

"Don't you have to work?"

Amelia chuckled, his breath tickled her skin. "I am already at work, actually, I came to work even before I was supposed to. My boss should give me a raise, don't you think?"

"I think we could sleep for a while." He mumbled, the sound of her heartbeat right underneath his ear was lulling him to sleep.

"No. We are still going to the ER." She put a hand under his chin and pulled his face to hers and kissed his, slowly and delicately. "Owen." She kissed him again. Pulling back enough to see his eyes, they opened slowly and were a bit dazed and glassy. "I love you too." His arms wrapped around her middle and he held her tight, like a teddy bear, thoroughly enjoying the way her arms wrapped around his head and shoulders. He wasn't a big guy, but she was definitely tiny, not dwarfish tiny, but on the short side and of slim built, which compared to him, former army trained doctor, was really tiny. This was it. It was their moment. He knew she would freak out soon enough and he would have to be there for her and fix her before he did, freak out. It was a nice kind of freaking out, though. The kind he had missed and welcomed back with open arms. Cristina leaving had made him realize he had to go on, regardless of just how much he wanted to hang onto her and he ended up being lucky enough to meet this woman.

Truth be told he had met her before, but had never seen her a more than a surgeon needing privileges to perform surgery in his hospital or Derek's little sister. Now she was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, buy a house, get married, have kids. Or maybe they'd live out their days in the trailer with a dog, a chocolate lab, who would have his own little house outside so that he'd be safe from all the bears and raccoons wandering around there. If he had learned something from wanting it all, demanding almost everything and pushing against Cristina's wishes, is that it doesn't even really matter. He got the house, the marriage and they fought over having children and he had ended up in Derek's psych ward trailer in the woods alone. He cheated on her and they ruined their relationship. Amelia was a second chance, one he would most definitely not mess up.

"I know you think you're so smooth, but we're still going to the ER, right now." She murmured into his hair. Owen groaned, he did love her and all, but, damn, she could be a pain some times.


End file.
